I have a one on one with my boss every week. He’s a decent guy.
But every week he asks how wedding planning is going and there’s so much more to my life than that and I wonder if he would ask if I was one of the guy engineers in the office. My wedding is next summer.
Ugh. Anyone else have any similar experiences?
Without further context, I think he’s just making small social talk. I ask about wedding planning when any of my friends is planning one - guys, gals, or nonbinary pals. (He might be angling for an invite, though.)
This is probably true. I might be a little too on guard since I’m one of two female engineers versus about fifteen male engineers at the company.
Lol. It’s definitely interesting because we moved just this summer and sent out save the dates two months ago. I’m sure both my fiance and I will have new friends to invite by the time spring rolls around.
Depends on the person. Maybe he is just trying to be nice. For a lot of people the wedding is really important. I’d simply politely change the subject to something else if it bothers you.
Seconded. Unless he ended the conversation with “nice boobs,” he’s probably trying to connect with something that he thinks is important to you.
Also agree. We have a guy on our team who is getting married and we ask him every week in our weekly meeting how wedding planning is going. It can just be a way to connect and make conversation.
It’s also an easy topic to turn to if someone feels like there’s a hard time connecting
It’s a fine line between “endearing small chat” and “I know literally one thing about your personal life.” It sounds like your boss isn’t walking that line well tbh. In my experience, I have asked both my male and female engineers who are getting married how the planning is going, but not literally every one on one and we talk about other things, too. YMMV.
I appreciate the perspective. It’s true. I only started with this company about 3 months ago so it’s one of the key facts he knows about me.
I haven’t been in your position, but I suggest telling him something else in your life you’re excited about, and see if he follows your lead and asks you about that, instead. If he’s trying to be friendly, but he only knows one thing about you, that’s what he’s gonna ask about. Also, weddings are a massive deal for most people, so it’s something you can usually get people to talk about. Again, giving him some different bait might make your one-on-ones less annoying.
This is good advice. Thank you. We are still getting to know each other. It’s also the first time I’ve worked somewhere with someone who actually does one on ones. Its so nice to regularly check in.
I’ll try to throw some other things he can ask about. I’m living a pretty boring life at the moment… mental health lull is making anything more than work and sleep challenging. But I’m working on changing that too.
