Ugh, I’m gonna vent here cuz it’s been a rough week.
I broke up with my partner a couple months ago. Gave him some space and time to save up and move out. His car broke down pretty shortly after, so with me just doing online school, I figure he can use my car.
Weeks go by. He hasn’t made an attempt to fix it. Then I start seeing familiar signs that he’s binge drinking. I check his room two nights ago, and sure enough, gallon of vodka gone in less than a week.
I messaged him that he won’t be using my car anymore. Took it and stayed with a friend last night. I purposefully made sure to take it on his days off so he wouldn’t be completely fucked trying to figure things out with short notice. He messaged back this morning with a bunch of guilt tripping bullshit that I’m going out of my way to make his life harder and he only needs the car for one more day until he can take his to a place with loaner vehicles.
He can easily afford an Uber or ask a coworker for rides. But instead he wants to try emotionally manipulating me to feel sorry for him and excuse his drinking and driving. No, dude. Not my fucking problem anymore.
Good for you for not falling for the guilt tripping bullshit. I’m sure it’s especially hard because it’s an ex-partner, we get attached to people. But you acted in accordance with your values and stood up for what’s right and for yourself. I hope your week gets better!
Thank you! We had a long conversation and got some closure, I think. Definitely feels good to have stood my ground. Hope your week is going well:)
I needed this, thank you.
I’m not sure my comment fits in this community, but I hope someone finds value in it. Another clear sign of abuse is what’s called “the missing missing reasons.”
I’ve had at least several hundred (yes, really) conversations with my parents where I explained how they were hurting me, and every single time it would just go in one ear and out the other. Once I finally moved out and consistently declined to interact with them, they started saying stuff like “why won’t you just talk to us about your concerns? We want to have a relationship with you.”
It seems like the only relationship they want to have is one where they keep doing the same shit they’ve always done and I keep putting up with it.
Thank you for sharing your experience and that article, it’s really good. You’re right that abusers are often in denial about their own actions and how they contributed to the estrangement. Have you read Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents? It’s a great book that may be applicable to your situation.
Yes! I didn’t read the whole thing, but there was a ton of helpful stuff in the parts I did read. Thanks for responding and making sure I’ve heard of it. It really is an awesome book.
I know I’m being “that guy” but this isn’t true at all. Abusive people can set unreasonable boundaries as a way to control or hide abuse from you.
What do you mean?! This is a quote by “Unknown”! They’re a reputable source of quotes, and certainly not just some rando’s self-published saying that they realized would get them razzed for attributing to themself.
You’re not wrong, there are exceptions to every rule.
