It’s much easier to argue against something if you completely make up ridiculous scenarios to argue against.
Our kid is non-binary. No parent is happy for that to happen. I don’t think any person is happy to realize it about themselves, except to the extent that it explains why they had been so unhappy previously.
That’s the thing the angries don’t realize, life would be much simpler for the people concerned if they were just cis-heteros, it’s not about being contrarians and it’s not a choice, it’s just who they are and that should be ok so it becomes something that isn’t more difficult!
Exactly! I’ve never experienced it first hand, but I’ve seen the anguish of friends whose parents keep setting them up on straight dates with people they fundamentally aren’t attracted to. I’ve had trans women friends who weren’t close to passing and who desperately wanted a relationship with a straight man. Often they’d end up dating gay men, feeling unsatisfied because those men treated them like another man. So much sadness.
I often think that the people who believe sexuality is a choice must at least be bi. There’s just no circumstance where I could choose to be attracted to men instead of women, and it’s laughable to think otherwise. I feel like anyone who thinks otherwise must have the capacity to make that choice, and the poor reasoning skills to think someone would.
As a bi guy, it doesn’t work any different for us. We’re attracted to men and women whether we like it or not. We don’t choose our attractions. We don’t think it’s a choice.
What sexuality am I if I love everything about women and feminine looks, but also like a big fat cock, yet dislike literally every single other thing about men and masculinity? Legitimately asking.
I don’t know, and it’s not for me to say. Sexuality is a fluid spectrum, and I’m reluctant about labels in the first place. I’m especially reluctant to label an Internet stranger for them. You are what you say you are. Sounds like somewhere in the bi/pan/omni range.
You’re not alone, I’m the same way, albeit a bit more open to somewhat masculine traits (my attraction extends to twinks or sufficiently effeminate men). This made it hard to understand if I was bi or something else, but eventually I concluded that the words we choose to use are inherently imprecise because we create them to represent definite categories that only approximate reality.
My attraction to all women, some men, and trans women w/o bottom surgery I guess makes me approximately bi.
You’re either a lesbian, a straight man, or a femme-attracted nonbinary. Penis doesn’t make someone a man or not a woman, and it sounds like you’d be very happy with a penis having female woman.
Yeah I think some people don’t understand that it’s no better if you need to contain your feelings for someone just so you can try and find someone else to be with just so you can pass for an hereto…
Oh, understood. My thought was that those far right Christian conservatives who think people choose to be gay must live straight lives but have at least some attraction to the same sex.
As someone in their late twenties who just recently came to understand and accept that I am nonbinary, I applaud you for your acceptance of your kid.
I never fit in growing up and never knew why. Now as an adult I still probably won’t mention it to my parents, despite making some significant life changes, due to their proven lack of empathy.
That sucks, I’m sorry. If there’s anyone in your life who should accept you for who you are, it’s your parents. They’re the ones who have seen the most of your life experiences, and who contributed whatever stuff you were born with.
I certainly wish our child had an easier situation, but they’re beautiful and brilliant and kind, and we couldn’t be prouder of who they’ve become.
No need to apologize but I appreciate the empathy! We definitely need more parents like you in the world. Though your parenting may be more challenging than some have it, just know the tremendous impact you are making by being accepting of them!
The crazy thing is that I am actually a parent myself. It is very challenging to work towards being who I want to be, my true self, compared to what I grew up thinking a parent should look like. It is especially hard to become myself outwardly, in this stage of life, without feeling like I am putting my needs above my family’s. For this reason I again appreciate your views on your kid - I very much wish I knew myself earlier on.
Nonetheless, through the help of therapy, my current focus is to be, love, and accept my authentic self such that my little ones can see an example of acceptance in whomever they want to be. The nonbinary parent role models are few and far between so I must try to be my own!
Inspiring comment. You know, for eons (and still, somewhat today) people in horrible marriages would stay together “for the children.” Maybe a laudable sacrifice, but it turns out that it screws up the kids worse than divorcing and getting into healthy relationships, because kids learn about relationships from watching their parents.
I feel like that’s analogous to a non-binary or trans parent keeping their true self hidden to protect the children. I don’t think it’s been studied, but I think it’s very likely that a similar thing would happen and the kids would be better off being with parents who love themselves for who they are.
So good job, I think you’re doing the right thing.
Very interesting analogy that is certainly of the same mindset. It may feel “best” or “most appropriate” to avoid a disruptive or countercultural change, but it won’t ultimately be for the benefit of anyone. All that it would create is a slow burn of regret and animosity for oneself and those whom you were trying to put first. Life is hard, might as well make it worthwhile! Thanks for the validation and likewise to yourself, I wish you all the best.
It’s much easier to argue against something if you completely make up ridiculous scenarios to argue against.
Our kid is non-binary. No parent is happy for that to happen. I don’t think any person is happy to realize it about themselves, except to the extent that it explains why they had been so unhappy previously.
That’s the thing the angries don’t realize, life would be much simpler for the people concerned if they were just cis-heteros, it’s not about being contrarians and it’s not a choice, it’s just who they are and that should be ok so it becomes something that isn’t more difficult!
Exactly! I’ve never experienced it first hand, but I’ve seen the anguish of friends whose parents keep setting them up on straight dates with people they fundamentally aren’t attracted to. I’ve had trans women friends who weren’t close to passing and who desperately wanted a relationship with a straight man. Often they’d end up dating gay men, feeling unsatisfied because those men treated them like another man. So much sadness.
I often think that the people who believe sexuality is a choice must at least be bi. There’s just no circumstance where I could choose to be attracted to men instead of women, and it’s laughable to think otherwise. I feel like anyone who thinks otherwise must have the capacity to make that choice, and the poor reasoning skills to think someone would.
As a bi guy, it doesn’t work any different for us. We’re attracted to men and women whether we like it or not. We don’t choose our attractions. We don’t think it’s a choice.
What sexuality am I if I love everything about women and feminine looks, but also like a big fat cock, yet dislike literally every single other thing about men and masculinity? Legitimately asking.
I don’t know, and it’s not for me to say. Sexuality is a fluid spectrum, and I’m reluctant about labels in the first place. I’m especially reluctant to label an Internet stranger for them. You are what you say you are. Sounds like somewhere in the bi/pan/omni range.
Fair enough friend.
You like trans girls pre bottom surgery?
Non-op is totally a thing. There are downsides to bottom surgery, and not all transfolk want it.
I know. Also top surgery. I don’t think surgery should be forced on anyone who doesn’t want it. If they do want it it’s a different matter of course
That’s probably the simplest explanation, yeah.
You’re not alone, I’m the same way, albeit a bit more open to somewhat masculine traits (my attraction extends to twinks or sufficiently effeminate men). This made it hard to understand if I was bi or something else, but eventually I concluded that the words we choose to use are inherently imprecise because we create them to represent definite categories that only approximate reality.
My attraction to all women, some men, and trans women w/o bottom surgery I guess makes me approximately bi.
You’re on the majority on Grindr if that helps
LMFAO
You’re either a lesbian, a straight man, or a femme-attracted nonbinary. Penis doesn’t make someone a man or not a woman, and it sounds like you’d be very happy with a penis having female woman.
Yeah I think some people don’t understand that it’s no better if you need to contain your feelings for someone just so you can try and find someone else to be with just so you can pass for an hereto…
Oh, understood. My thought was that those far right Christian conservatives who think people choose to be gay must live straight lives but have at least some attraction to the same sex.
As someone in their late twenties who just recently came to understand and accept that I am nonbinary, I applaud you for your acceptance of your kid.
I never fit in growing up and never knew why. Now as an adult I still probably won’t mention it to my parents, despite making some significant life changes, due to their proven lack of empathy.
That sucks, I’m sorry. If there’s anyone in your life who should accept you for who you are, it’s your parents. They’re the ones who have seen the most of your life experiences, and who contributed whatever stuff you were born with.
I certainly wish our child had an easier situation, but they’re beautiful and brilliant and kind, and we couldn’t be prouder of who they’ve become.
No need to apologize but I appreciate the empathy! We definitely need more parents like you in the world. Though your parenting may be more challenging than some have it, just know the tremendous impact you are making by being accepting of them!
The crazy thing is that I am actually a parent myself. It is very challenging to work towards being who I want to be, my true self, compared to what I grew up thinking a parent should look like. It is especially hard to become myself outwardly, in this stage of life, without feeling like I am putting my needs above my family’s. For this reason I again appreciate your views on your kid - I very much wish I knew myself earlier on.
Nonetheless, through the help of therapy, my current focus is to be, love, and accept my authentic self such that my little ones can see an example of acceptance in whomever they want to be. The nonbinary parent role models are few and far between so I must try to be my own!
Inspiring comment. You know, for eons (and still, somewhat today) people in horrible marriages would stay together “for the children.” Maybe a laudable sacrifice, but it turns out that it screws up the kids worse than divorcing and getting into healthy relationships, because kids learn about relationships from watching their parents.
I feel like that’s analogous to a non-binary or trans parent keeping their true self hidden to protect the children. I don’t think it’s been studied, but I think it’s very likely that a similar thing would happen and the kids would be better off being with parents who love themselves for who they are.
So good job, I think you’re doing the right thing.
Very interesting analogy that is certainly of the same mindset. It may feel “best” or “most appropriate” to avoid a disruptive or countercultural change, but it won’t ultimately be for the benefit of anyone. All that it would create is a slow burn of regret and animosity for oneself and those whom you were trying to put first. Life is hard, might as well make it worthwhile! Thanks for the validation and likewise to yourself, I wish you all the best.