There’s no escaping. I don’t know what to do. My entire life’s been fucked and I’ve never been free.
I feel like no one knows what to do. What helped me was to realize that I have survived this long, why not one more day? Maybe everrything’ll go to shit, but life is already shit, so nothing to lose, right?
I know it’s not nearly this simple, but if you’re at the bottom then tomorrow may be a bit better, maybe much more so. Maybe you simply are in a dark so black you don’t realize people that care about your are in your life. I bet they are there and simply don’t know how to reach you.
What I can say is that one random nobody read your words and gives a shit. Believe that tomorrow the sun will rise and a new blank page will await your story. Please know you matter. I wish you well.
I’ve spent most of my life at rock bottom stumbling in the dark. Alone, broken, and unable to find any kind of purpose. A history of being used and thrown aside. And I’m still there, but now I live for me as much as I can. Fuck everyone else cause they won’t be there for me. I’m the only one who will be there for me so I ‘do me’ and don’t care if others think I’m lazy, useless, or whatever.
I won’t say ‘tomorrow is going to be better’. But if possible maybe you can do something for you tomorrow and be ‘selfish’. Even if it’s buying some nuggets or flipping off a neighbor.
Try to read a book of Jeffrey young, the guy who ‘invented’ schema therapy. It can be arid suggest to read a book to a person who feels is gasping for psychological air, but trust me, it can help a lot to gain self aware and determine what is real, what is actual pain and what is a just a pattern.
If you don’t know what to do, share your story with us and we can try to give you some good next steps.
No matter what, know that there are positive, good experiences out there for you. Not knowing how to get there is okay. It’s not your fault.
Some of the happiest people I’ve met in life are hermits who live on islands or in the vast empty spaces. Most of them were happy to share their story and listen to mine. You realize at some point that they never wanted to escape the people as much as the web that is the society that tangles it all together.
Finding a place is finding a place, whatever and whoever speaks to you: Da kine is da kine is da kine.
Hope you feel better. I understand your struggle.
Fr
