Obviously I can understand why mysoginists are hated upon, As their belief is all women are trash or men are superior etc. But why are incels also generally hated upon? They are lacking in a way that makes them unable to gey in a relationship, but that shouldn’t necessarily mean they are mysoginists, right?

What am I missing here? I haven’t ever had a relationship with a woman, but I don’t hate all women either. I just consider myself unlucky. Does that make me an incel?

    • Seasoned_Greetings@lemm.ee
      381·
      9 months ago

      Basically it’s the mindset of the Chalmers meme that makes an incel.

      Am I doing something that actively repulses women?

      No, it’s the women who are wrong

      As long as you don’t subscribe to this line of reasoning, you aren’t an incel

          • jjjalljs@ttrpg.network
            33·
            9 months ago

            What I will however say is that the dating market can be very harsh, especially for men, and especially those that doesn’t look the best.

            This has come up a few times but I’m going to pick this one to reply to. Looks aren’t zero important, but your actual body is far less important than grooming, dress, posture, and other related things that are far easier to change.

            Related, have you seen how men act? Like ask a woman-who-dates-men friend what it’s like on tinder. The bar is on the floor my dudes. With some bare minimum treating the other person like a person, being sincere and present, you’re so far above the average.

    • buzz86us@lemmy.world
      1124·
      9 months ago

      Except some of us are treated like absolute garbage because of this definition. I’m just quiet and chill so somehow that gets defined as creepy. I’ve taken to just treating people as a reflection of how they treat me. Like I’m not even looking and I get treated as creepy I’d like to be in a relationship, but it really isn’t a requirement for me to be fulfilled. This really messes with my self esteem and makes me not want to talk to people for the most part.

      • Redfox8@mander.xyz
        5·
        9 months ago

        It’s definitely tough when you get criticised just for chilling out. My advice is to try and not be offended by those comments unless they come from people close or important to you. Ask yourself: why does their opinion matter/what value does it actually have? Is it jyst a throwaway comment from a e.g. stranger or friend of a friend of a friend. You do not need other’s opinions to validate yourself, so long as you’re not causing harm to anyone else, keep doing what you’re doing because it’s good for you and leave the busibodies to their ignorant opinion and to waste only their time and effort on it, not yours.

        Ps you share my broad approach of treating others well if they treat me well. Thumbs up for that!

      • jjjalljs@ttrpg.network
        1·
        9 months ago

        . I’m just quiet and chill so somehow that gets defined as creepy.

        This was me in college! And then I realized I was dressing like a weird hippy with a terrible haircut and gross beard. That stuff was a much bigger factor than being quiet.