It’s lonely being an adult
My partner passed away recently and I found myself suddenly alone in the world. A few friends have their own lifes so I joined a hiking group and it was the best decision of my life. Always looking forward to get back on the trail with like minded people where I made new friends. Lots of single people there so yeah we are human and we need companionship.
i’m really sorry for your loss
Thank you
Honestly, I’ve met a lot of people who settled with the wrong person just because they don’t want to be lonely. It’s a terrible situation to be in, especially if they have children with that person.
I’ve been single for a long time, and it does get lonely, but I’ve been trying to get out more. It also beats being stuck with the wrong person.
This is something I’ve been struggling with too. I love my partner, but they can’t be my only source of social interaction. We each have our own lives in addition to what we share with each other.
It’s been very uncomfortable, but I’ve been forcing myself to try to engage with people that I share hobbies with. Think about the things you like doing and then seek out those groups.
One of the advantages of trying to make friends as an adult is that, people are generally welcoming. If they aren’t, it’s probably not a group of people you want to spend your time with anyway.
It’s not you. It’s how society is structured. It necessitates the hyper-individualization of the work force. As you grow older, you work more, but your work is disconnected from all the things that truly matter to humans. Your “friends” become shallow, hungry for money to survive. You start disconnecting from them too, and realize you can probably only share your deepest thoughts with perhaps one other person. That ends up as your partner in our current society.
I believe we can move towards a better structure where we can all be friends. Good question for all of us to ask constantly is: “What’s preventing people from becoming friends?”
It’s occurred to me that if my wife ever cheated on me, maybe instead of getting upset I could just make friends with her boyfriend. We’d already have it in common that we like having sex with my wife so maybe we’d have other stuff in common, too.
Tunnel bros FTW
Welcome to polyamory! Lol
🧐
If nothing else, it would be funny if instead of either of us taking her out we were both like “sorry, babe, we’re busy playing video games.”
Consensual non-monogamy. It’s fun!
A man who is unable to set very fundamental boundaries in a relationship is not a real man. If you enter a relationship with the intention of having a monogamous marriage, then get cucked, then accept it, it means you have no spine. Any “boundaries” that you loosely claim to have, really don’t exist. How are you supposed to be a father? Children need a man as a father, not a spineless cuck.
I can respect a man more who just has casual sex/one-night-stands. Because there is a possibility that he can set boundaries once he actually enters relationship, whereas with you, it’s a certainty that you cannot.
I’m writing this assuming that OP is not a PSYOP.
Oh I mean IRL I would probably react harshly to my wife breaking that boundary, but the worst case scenario is that she does it with someone who’s got terrible vibes and just cannot hang.
As an adult I’m only gaining more and more friends tbh. Sure some old ones are lost but a partner is no replacement for a few good friendship circles. If you’re putting all your social needs on one person, that’s a lot of pressure and they are unlikely to be able to fulfill that role, nor are you for them.
Your partner can be your best friend, but they shouldn’t be your only friend
This guy friends
It’s interesting to see people still think that adulthood needs to be lonely. Think a lot of that stems from older generations giving their entire lives to work. But your experience is really similar to mine. My partner and I both have made more friends as we have gotten older than ever before. Weird how that works out
My friend group is smaller, but we’re closer. For example, seeing my best friend of 30 years today. We’ve been to each others weddings, our children’s weddings and some tough times. Even when we haven’t seen each other for a while, there’s no break. Just pour a coffee, sit down and decide what stupid shit we’re gonna do today.
I’m 68 for reference.
BFF and I met in 10th grade. Still in each others lives. 55 here. Good times.
Same. In our 50’s. Spending the weekend visiting our BFFs. We get together 3-4x/year. Coffee usually turns to whiskey fairly early so we often fall asleep before things get too stupid.
For some people, it’s the opposite: when they get a partner, their relationships with friends weaken.
Having someone around to help take care of you whenever you’re at end-of-life is definitely a perk of having a partner, though.
Find a hobby, join a club, attend community events.
There are plenty of ways to meet people. No need to be alone. :)
I watch my son walk to another kid with a ball and nonchalantly ask: “wanna play?”, and I feel a tear swell up.
not really, at least in my situation. i’ve been married for over 5 years and my partner is absolutely my best friend and i can be my full self with them.
however, i also have a lot of other friends and acquaintances. each of them fills a different role in my life. all of them are unique. my partner doesn’t have all of the same interests as me, but my friends all fulfill a different part of my personality that my partner cannot, and they also help support me through difficult times as a team.
it’s really essential to have a support system and a wide variety of friends in your life. putting all your eggs in one basket isn’t healthy or fair. adulthood can certainly be lonely. i’m approaching 30 and feel it now more than ever as people in my life go down different paths and we have less in common and less time for each other.
it’s okay though. there are so many people in the world to connect with. you’ll find your people.
undefined> less time for each other
This is what I mean, it’s not a thing you do on purpose that you end up mainly talking to your spouse but all your friends have less time to spend
i get that. a lot of my friends are working on degrees or starting families. we don’t have as much time to hang out anymore. one thing that’s helped is expanding my social group. you don’t have to be tight with every friend. you can have specific friends/acquaintances for specific hangout sessions. have you tried connecting with local groups to expand your social circle? i’m sure you have some hobbies. these are just examples i’ve seen in my area:
- weekly dnd group
- gardening club
- walking club
- bar meetups
- volunteer trash cleanup
- board game nights
- friend speed ‘dating’
i’m not sure where you live, but you’re bound to find something. facebook is a garbage platform but one thing it’s good at is getting you up to date with local events and local groups. don’t like facebook? try finding local discord groups.
Partners are usually because you want love and companionship, and possibly to create a family.
Friends are great, but a partner is different.
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I married my husband because I love him, not because I didn’t want to be lonely.
It’s the worst.
Trying to make friends as an adult is hard work!
All these political opinions, skewed world views, left and right biases.
I just want to hang out with some other like minded people.
Personally, having a partner is not a replacement for friends. There are emotional needs that my partner fulfills that my friends can’t and vice versa.
A partner can definitely become a best friend, but i don’t think it’s healthy to have every role fulfilled by one person as it makes you very dependent on them.
Totally agreed. I had to explain to my partner that they were not my best friend. My partner is my partner and my friend is my friend. They have different roles and responsibilities. Took some time for my partner to get used to, especially since they don’t have a best friend.
