Hey!
I don’t know where to ask this question but I think I will give it a shot here, under men.
I never was close with my brother but we saw each other every few months at parties, festivals etc. Two years ago his wife and him got a son and at that time I was planning so many things (new job, house construction planning) so I only made it like once a month to him. He lives about 32 kilometers one way from my home, so not too far and too close for me.
Now a half a year ago our house finally came and we have to do all the indoor work (framing construction, drywalls, everything.) and I have no time to visit him. If I do find time I could visit him I choose to play video games to relax or simpley do nothing.
He never asked to help me with my house and I still visit him once every 2 months and give his son presents but I just don’t have the energy to visit him.
It’s kind of a weird relationship. We don’t dislike each other. My mother visits him every monday but they never talk with each other. My mom gets ignored by him and if he talks it’s mostly begging indirectly for money, clothes, the house… (my mom will own her mothers house when my grandma no longer lives) and he keeps saying: “If only we had a house and not an apartment” etc. so he isn’t asking for the house but my mom feels like he is trying to say he wants the house cause my mom wouldn’t need such a big house for herself.
I told my mom to not give it to him, he never visits her and he never visits my grandma with his child.
I don’t know what to do with my brother. He is older if this changes anything. If I wouldn’t call or write him he wouldn’t - atleast I don’t think so. The longest I haven’t wrote him was three months and he didn’t write in that time or call so I gave up and called him that I am stopping by if he is home. Was there for an hour and left again.
I have a strained relationship with the brother (2 years younger) who lives a 6 minute walk away and a great relationship with the brother (8 years younger) that lives 1000 miles away. I was a shitty teenager back in the day, and he had a really manipulative girlfriend 6 years ago that isolated him from the family as much as she could. It took years to repair the damage after she was out of the picture, but it’s still a functional relationship.
You don’t actually owe your family anything, but the flip side is that they don’t owe you either. If you see him every couple months to chill with your nephew, that’s just fine. Some people are best friends with their siblings, others hate their guts and don’t talk to them for decades.