My biggest problem is how damn patronising they are. They intentionally slow you down explaining everything in excruciating detail, and you’re not allowed to skip it or continue with the actual checking out until it’s done talking.
“Welcome to X Store self checkout! Please hold the barcode of your first item to the scanner below!”
“Please put your item in the bagging area! Then, scan your next item by holding the barcode to the scanner below!”
“Please select payment method by selecting debit, credit, cash, or gift card using the touch screen!”
“If you have a points card, please scan it by holding the barcode up to the scanner below! If you do not have a points card, please press skip on the touch screen! If you would like to register for a points card, please go to customer service!”
“Please follow instructions on the pinpad! Or, if you’d like to choose another payment method, please press ‘choose another payment method’ on the touch screen, and select another payment method!”
All in that grating, artificially cheerful monotone.
Look, I know it’s to help the elderly and people who genuinely don’t know how to use it, but fucking just give me a “I know what I’m doing so skip all the bullshit” button!
My only issue with self-checkouts is how awkward and a pain in the ass it is when you got a lot of stuff in your cart.
“Please place the item in the bagging area”
sobs in a heap on the floor
“Unexpected item in bagging area! Please remove item!”
“Item unexpectedly removed from bagging area! Please wait for an attendant to assist you!”
It’s that second line where it means I now need to talk to someone else 😭 just kill me now
I have ptsd from that phrase
I’ve literally nearly had a breakdown over it. 5 items in a row and it didn’t clock the weight 😭
“I BEGETH OF YOU, RETURNETH THINE OWN BAG”
quothe the checkout: “Unexpected item in bagging area! Please remove item!”
FUCKETH THOU
I’d break it if I could afford to replace it (or run away and get away with it)
arson is a thought
make it your theory
Bagging areas
The highest form of Imperialism
Even Lenin couldn’t anticipate
Find that mute button, fam
!
My biggest problem is how damn patronising they are. They intentionally slow you down explaining everything in excruciating detail, and you’re not allowed to skip it or continue with the actual checking out until it’s done talking.
“Welcome to X Store self checkout! Please hold the barcode of your first item to the scanner below!”
“Please put your item in the bagging area! Then, scan your next item by holding the barcode to the scanner below!”
“Please select payment method by selecting debit, credit, cash, or gift card using the touch screen!”
“If you have a points card, please scan it by holding the barcode up to the scanner below! If you do not have a points card, please press skip on the touch screen! If you would like to register for a points card, please go to customer service!”
“Please follow instructions on the pinpad! Or, if you’d like to choose another payment method, please press ‘choose another payment method’ on the touch screen, and select another payment method!”
All in that grating, artificially cheerful monotone.
Look, I know it’s to help the elderly and people who genuinely don’t know how to use it, but fucking just give me a “I know what I’m doing so skip all the bullshit” button!
Hmmm the ones I’ve used don’t give any bullshit about bagging area. Guess I’ll be thankful.