When a person of color, especially if they’re black like me, affirms their support for causes such as queer liberation, feminism, animal rights, or socialism, I immediately feel that I can believe, with minimal doubt, that they’re truly convicted and principled in what they’re advocating for.
However, when a white person claims to support leftism, until my skepticism is proven wrong, I immediately assume they’re a dishonest and performative libshit. I then proceed to interact with them with hefty amounts of caution. If my assumptions are proven true, I’m never shocked.
I went to an all black school as a young kid (around 7) and it was the first time I ever got beat up and it was because I was white. I also got in a few fights after that being the only “cracker” in school and was called such. I didn’t instigate anything I was a quiet kid and felt intimidated daily just being in school. I remember I would stay in class between classes and wait until the last minute and then run to my next class so I wouldn’t get hit in the halls. We moved within a year after my mom was hit with a stray bullet from a shooting in the neighborhood.
I wouldn’t say what I experienced was full racism because an important element of racism is institutional (social and political, not just individual) and the political institutions weren’t against me but I experienced an element of it in the closed social situation I was in during school hours for what its worth. I think there are other white people in America who have experiences like mine but it’s certainly not common. I do think I understand racism in a fuller way than just conceptually.
I’m sorry this happened to you growing up. I think that experiemce did give you an understanding of racism in that, you were taught younger than most white kids that there are races in this country and that has a meaning. That said, many white people told me similar stories of being bullied by the Black kids at an all Black school(some use it as ammo that reversed racism exist). I believe for a lot of white kids it’s the first, and possible only, time they’re explicitly racialized, but it’s regular school bullying for being noticeably different hence the context doesn’t leave the school setting.
I wish I could do unspeakable things to my bullies. Those assholes messed me up for life and I believe contributed to some health issues I struggle with to this day.
Yeah I was bullied too because my features make me stick out. Terrible time, kids are terible. Hope you get revenge or peace, whichever comes first.