Sometimes people I just met (in a platonic context) will ask me things like “hey, what’s your Instagram, let’s keep in touch!”
My standard answer is that I don’t do social media, but I have found that people take it as bragging perhaps? I get answers like “oh, good for you! I wish I didn’t” or whatever.
If I say oh here’s my number that seems too odd these days, people not that much younger than me (I’m 31) don’t seem to text anymore. They use fb messenger or Instagram or others.
Also saying something like “I’m a privacy advocate and I use the fediverse” is also an odd thing to say unless I’m around techy people and even then it’s weird tbh.
How do I approach this? I don’t think I am better than people that use social media, its just not for me. I would prefer to text but I am not sure that works for a lot of people.
Or should I just bite the bullet and get an Instagram so that I don’t seem weird, and then perhaps ask for further contact details via that platform?
Abstaining from social media can be extremely alienating.
autistic btw if you couldn’t tell lmao, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this problem
“I was banned for trying to promote my onlyfans.”
i literally just say “I don’t really do social media” or “facebook creeps me out” depending on the audience
Nobody actually WANTS to be on that shit so ime when people say “good for you I wish I didn’t” they mean it
I straight up quit facebook. Worst social media by far.
“I don’t have online, and I don’t do the emails”.
I got to say this verbatim to an employer when I had gotten hired and didn’t have an internet connection and wasn’t really planning on one at the time and he said that’s how schedules were sent out. He just texted me my schedule.
Haha awesome.
I had a free rental for stolen food system going at the last video rental place in town which existed so long because it was 4 stories tall and a well established landmark as well as the absolute perfect movie rental place. They had literally everything on every format, a fantastic sorting and arrangement system, the staff kicked ass and knew their movies hard cause it was a highly sought after gig in town and you could talk movies for hours in a great environment where you could walk around and find the boxes or whatever for what you’re talking about and check the back for cast or whatever instead of Google g it. So with that nearby I didn’t feel the need to pay $80 a month for internet. I’d then gotten used to telling people I’d meet that quote as a gag and then it just kinda because my default response.
Try saying something like “Sorry, I used to do social media but it added to my stresses so I stopped.”
I’ve found it’s a really reliable tactic when you apologize for a shortcoming when you can’t/won’t do something (i.e. boundaries).
“It’s not that you’re not valid, it’s that I’m a big dumb doodoo brain that I can’t handle this thing that you want. This is what I can offer though.”
Yep, it’s a good way to acknowledge and appreciate an offer while declining it in a way that doesn’t reflect poorly on their offering it.
Yeah, I apologize and say something like “I know, it’s weird—I don’t exist.”
Then I say I only use Signal. Usually gets people to download it.
Who are these people who don’t text anymore?
Yeah, if prompted I say I had to quit because I spent too much time on it.
Nobody would think you’re being condescending by saying you don’t use social media, that is the most normal thing you could say
I’m younger than you, but texting seems to be the #1 way everyone stays connected these days. Social media is more of a way to send memes
Obviously follow up by offering your number if you want to stay in touch with the person
I explain more if they ask me to clarify, but I start with a positive answer like what I do use instead of keeping them focused on what I don’t use.
“I’m on Matrix at X or Signal at Y, that’s how I stay in touch with people.”
“How do you keep up with current events like the news?”
“Anonymous social media, but I don’t tie my IRL identity to it in any meaningful way.”“I’m not really on social media”
If I say oh here’s my number that seems too odd these days, people not that much younger than me (I’m 31) don’t seem to text anymore
They got discordified and locked up in their gamer messaging apps. It is very annoying to deal with.
I’m neurotypical and I stay away from social media like the plague. I also try to always use FOSS whenever I can. The worst I’ll go is using Whatsapp because its the defacto messaging platform in some countries. If you ask people if they have a whatsapp it is very less weird (yay big tech propagandizement).
I try to advocate most for Signal for people I actually want to talk to and as long as I’m not an enemy of the US government (and don’t think about supply chain attacks) it works. The people closest to me I’ll try to use matrix, jami or xmpp.
Don’t get an instagram. Horrible mistake anyone could make.
I’ve been on the other side of this. It’s never felt weird, if anything I feel like it’s admirable. The other guy would just day something like “I don’t do social media” and then we’d swap emails.
“The only thing I’m ‘on’ is drugs”
Social media ain’t nothin to me man
honestly the number thing is ridiculous and no more personal than a social, completely bizarre cultural marker tbh
print up name cards that have the info you want to share / the methods you want to be contacted by
Say you do Reddit, but… not really Reddit.
“No I don’t have facebook. Do you know Reddit?”
“Oh… Reddit? Yea what subs are you in?”
“Well… it’s like Reddit…”
“…”
“…”
Saying “I don’t do social media” isn’t bragging. It might make people interrogate their own habits, which can provoke a negative reaction, but that’s on them and any response would do that, so there is nothing to be done about it. Either way it’s not bragging. Say it in a light tone/with a smile so people know it’s just meant as a nice thing. Consider providing an alternative, which will also soften the blow, because it makes it clear that you just dont do social media.
Do not worry about seeming “old”. It’s quaint and also something you can joke about, which makes for a good conversation. Consider providing your alternative (if it’s a phone number) alongside a recognition that it is atypical/old-fashioned, to get ahead of the perception you’re afraid of - It lets you control the narrative. It can also help with your worries about wether or not you’re being perceived as “old” because you yourself bring it up.
Don’t talk about privacy or opsec unless people ask into it, and keep it surface level and let people themselves ask more questions.
Edit: let me know if you want a tone indicator or have any clarifying questions
I go with the truth, “It was bad for my mental health and I spend too much time on”
