I (21M) live in an Ohio household of hardcore Trumpers who, unfortunately, found out that I voted for Kamala Harris.
My father and brother are fascists. They believe in killing anyone who disagrees with Trumpism. My mother is not violent, but drank basically all the QAnon Kool-Aid and is batshit insane.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight. I also can’t safely lift anything that’s heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
I am also financially-dependent on my mother at the moment.
We moved to a new house recently, and the walls are very thin. That allowed me to overhear a private conversation between my father and brother.
My brother said that he hates Harris supporters so much that he wants a day of retribution where he goes on a violent rampage to kill everyone he knows who supports her, especially gay and transgender people. When my dad asked if that included me, he did not hesitate to say “Sure.”
My brother is in peak physical condition. He owns guns and has military training. I had long suspected that he is the biggest potential threat to my life, but gaslighted myself into thinking I was overreacting. Today, he confirmed it.
My brother isn’t the type to throw out threats of violence willy-nilly. He has also physically abused me in the past when we were younger and has major anger issues. I believe that I have to take this threat seriously, and that means that I need to evacuate ASAP. I think the most likely day for him to act is on election night or shortly after, which would give me just over a week. But then again, I can’t be sure. Maybe he is planning a surprise.
My mother is too unreasonable to take any of this seriously.
I have a few thousand dollars and Democratic relatives from the South who might potentially take me in, though I don’t know for sure if they will, since we’re not close emotionally. I also don’t know if my brother will go out of his way to target them once he notices my absence. He is going to an out-of-state Trump rally this week, so I know that he doesn’t have much trouble crossing state lines.
I don’t know where my birth certificate and social security card are, other than that my mother has them somewhere. My father is home the entire time and stays in one spot where he can see everything. Even if I knew where they were, there is no way for me to retrieve them without him noticing.
Fuck fascism. I was born to a family of vile abusive sociopaths. It was hell the whole time. I won’t miss any of them. Fuck them. They are a disappointment to the rest of my family line. I spent my entire life learning how to become a decent human being in spite of it all and now the fuckers want me dead. FUCK. THEM.
The thing that separates me from the rest of my family is empathy. I refused to hate the people they wanted me to hate. Instead, I listened to their stories and befriended them. I care about everyone, not just straight white Christians. I voted for Harris because I wanted the best for everyone, which means preventing the installation of an authoritarian regime. And for that, I must pay the ultimate price.
I may never get to experience love or deep friendship, but no matter how this all ends, I vow to spend the rest of my days pouring out as much love and joy as I can out to every last ally I meet.
Any advice would be helpful. I don’t want to wait, but I also can’t do this without some kind of plan. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing, so any input is appreciated.
Thank you.
You need to call your relatives. If one of my second cousins whom I never met gives me a call saying that they are in your position and don’t know where to turn I am driving out 4 hours to pick them up at the drop of a hat.
It is going to be be hard but there are means to get free. Explore your options once you are safe but right now job one is get safe.
You don’t need your birth certificate or social security card. They are easy to replace. A birth certificate is a public record: you can order it from whatever government agency handles vital records in the county of your birth.
Social security card is marginally more difficult, but if you know the number, it is surprisingly easy. Just go down to the nearest social security office with your story, and they’ll get it sent to you.
You can only do it like 6 times in your life, but you rarely need the card itself anymore.
First, obviously ensure that you stay safe.
But if possible, gather as much evidence as you can. Make voice or video recordings, write down things you here, take photos of things that might be important, whatever. As soon as you’re in safety, send all the evidence of your father/brother making death threats and planning violent riots to the police/FBI.
I hope doesn’t live in Portage County, Ohio
With conditions that severe, do you have access to a medical transport service or an understanding friend? One way or another, have them get you to a bus depot, buy a ticket to the nearest sane state and tap their social services to help you get established with basic care - Ohio is likely beyond broken intentionally, and it might not feel like it, but you will find social systems that function (not perfectly, but function for those truly in need) in other states.
If you’re in active danger, focus on moving (or being moved) away, as fast and far as you can afford.
I have a hard time taking some of the advice here seriously, especially around there being some kind of conspiracy where the police are right-wing and full of fascists - but let’s take it at face value
Instead of law enforcement, go to a lawyer and ask them to help, stating that you feel that you cannot go to the police. Any law firm worth their salt would ensure that you are represented, or that you’re represented by someone from your district that will protect you. They will also keep an eye on adequate law enforcement to ensure they actually protect you, and don’t just farm you back to relatives. At the very least, they can give you enough protection to ensure that your relatives in the south can contact you and take you in if needed.
Dude… there’s no conspiracy that the police is full of right wing facists. It’s openly the truth.
Right? Lol a Democrat cop. Unheard of these days.
My wife tried to tell me that the military would stop Trump. I laughed in her face. The only brainwashing stronger than the USMC is on OAN and Fox.
I’m telling her we need to get armed, I don’t feel okay even having a Harris sign in our yard in this climate, and I’m in a historically liberal area.
Nothing to contribute to the conversation here, but fuck, I’m so sorry you have to go through this. Please do let us know if you get out of this alive.
Do you have any disability income?
Sadly, the local police/FBI likely aren’t going to do shit for you and will only increase the risk of you getting found out by the people you’re living with. I’d wait until you’re out to contact them.
Your non-crazy relatives seem like your best bet, provided they’re willing to put themselves between you and your potentially violent acquaintances should it come to that. Be honest with them.
Otherwise, people have suggested abuse hotlines and organizations, that’s probably a good place to start. If I were in your situation and I had nowhere else to turn, I’d probably reach out to the church I went to when I grew up. I’m no longer Christian but the church I went to was exceptionally open minded and left leaning and I would trust the leaders to understand and help me how they could. Maybe you know of or could ask around about a place like that in your region? I would avoid anything within your town if possible since word is likely to get back to the people you’re currently living with.
Really sorry you’re in this situation. I’m all the way on the west coast but I have a network of resources in central IL if you end up there. Reach out if you can think of more ways I can help.
First thing is to ensure your safety.
Once you have that taken care of - what do you know about your brother’s out-of-state trip? He sounds like the kind of person who will ignore the local gun laws of wherever he is going if they’re stricter than where you live. If he’s going to a fascist meet-up, a tip that he may be illegally armed may give law enforcement a reason to start searching the Nazis for weapons.
Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses
You say that as if many cops aren’t sympathizers themselves.
Cops love busting rallies regardless of politics because it makes them feel superior.
We might as well channel their worst instincts to target Nazis.
There’s a reason the lyrics are “Some of those who work forces burn crosses.”
There’s a reason the lyrics are “Some of those who work forces burn crosses.”
I think you dropped this:
are the same that
Here is my advice. When someone tells you who they are believe them. Get out. DO NOT contact police or any kind of law enforcement until you are gone and safe. People like this will escalate if they feel threatened.
You can get new documents, clothes and items. Even if you only escape with the clothes on your back, wallet and phone. Make sure your family cannot track your phone. Make sure any communication you have with your helpers is locked down. Use an app your family doesn’t use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord. Have your helpers or uber pick you up a few houses down in the middle of the night if you have to.
You would be surpised who still cares for you. Reach out to family, to old friends, to anyone you think could help, either by giving you a ride or taking you in for awhile. I haven’t talked to my best friend from collage for over a decade, but if she called me needing help I would drop everything and head her way.
Also, I live east coast and hell, maybe I could give you a ride to somewhere depending on where you are going.
Lastly, please take this seriously. You are not overreacting. Your life may very well be in danger, and just like with any other abusive relationship, leaving is the most dangerous part. Nothing you own outside of your ID and medications are worth dying for.
Use an app your family doesn’t use or understand, like Snapchat or Discord.
Nah, use Signal, they definitely won’t use it, cause it’s “woke leftist crap”
Signal posted this on Twitter a few years ago:
And this is what the Trump cultists had to say about it:
So you can definitely be sure that they don’t use it
It’s also much more private and secure than Snapchat or Discord. I would avoid Discord, since it’s not encrypted and your chats are saved to your account. If someone gets your password, they can read all your chats. Signal only saves them on your device, so you’re safe.
@sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world
Your comment feels like it’s replying to the title of the thread and not to the context of the post.
OP is disabled, literally struggles to move on their own, and is financially dependent on their mother. Most of your advice is boilerplate and unactionable for them.
You don’t have family there. You have relatives.
If you can get relatives to help, do that. If not, contact a local women’s shelter or other abuse-related non-profit. They may or may not be able to help directly, but they will most likely know what other resources are available.
I wish you the best.
I don’t think a women’s shelter is going to help him much…
Shelters often share resources and many are more flexible than you would expect. They might not take you personally but dollars to donuts they can point you in the direction of other specialized resources.
They may have answers. He likely won’t be the first man who called them needing advice on where to seek refuge
Depends on the shelter. Some are gender specific, some are simply there to help anyone who needs it
Men’s shelters exist.
Assuming this is real, and that you have a cell phone, I think your best resource is your not crazy relatives. Ask to visit. I find it more likely your brother is just boasting and full of shit, but if you are physically delicate, it could still end badly.
So call them and tell them what you told us, that you are worried. If they invite you, that will be an excuse to get your stuff from your mom. You need allies.
do you have a driver’s license?
you can get a running camper or even a large van in a pinch for less than a few thousand.
it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world for everybody, but if you get an RV, you have a tiny independent apartment on wheels free and clear.
you have no more rent after the initial purchase, and obviously it’s private so you have as much time as you need to to figure out what you’re going to do next.
That’s the quickest way to get your own private space and I can walk you through it(browse, visit, buy, register) and look at vehicle listings near you.
I can walk you through exactly how hygiene and all the everydays work in the vehicle you get, likely expenses and all of that per month, it’s all doable and not a huge adjustment from living in a regular apartment.
birth certificate in almost every state can be replaced in 1-2 weeks for about 40 bucks or expressed in a couple days for 80 bucks, and with your birth certificate and a couple other documents like tax forms or some other identifier, you’ll be able to get your SSN card replaced as well.
If you have any other specific practical questions, please send them over here. I’ve replaced many documents before, I’ve lived in an RV, I’ve been traveling for a decade, and I’m thriving on the other side.
I have life experience I’m happy to share and you can take from it what you find useful.
I don’t have a driver’s license, I just have a state ID card. So I’ll probably need someone else to help me with any vehicle stuff. Thanks for the reply.
If someone got you an uber, would you have a place to go?
I’m calling my relatives right now to see if they can help, but other than that, no.
I’m calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800.799.SAFE (7233) and they gave me some resources,
FindHelp.org and when you go there, put in your zip code, look for shelter, other services? access to housing, medical support
DomesticShelters.org put in zip code, in filters, click “services men” and look for your specific criteria
Let me know if you need any help with these, or planning, or anything?
This is a long reply. I’ll do it in spoiler tags for the convenience of people who don’t like that.
It sounds like you already have your answers on what to do, which is the question everybody is trying to answer:
- You believe you are at real risk, so you need to get out.
- You can’t safely access your primary ID documents, so don’t (or if possible before leaving town, go the APS rout suggested by another commenter). Take any secondary ID you have with you and replace primary ID later.
- This is the one you seem least sure about, but you’ve identified your best safe destination, at least to start. Go to your Democratic relatives, and plan next steps from there. I’ll add to this and other “what” questions in a reply
There are two other ways to understand what you’re asking for in this post.
The first is validation to build confidence in your decision.
You have it.
Nobody is in a better position than you are to judge the seriousness of the situation. Trust your gut and get out.
The other way of reading the question is not what to do, but how. Logistics. This is the thing that hasn’t been addressed.
I am disabled. My cognitive ability suffers severely if I sit up or stand up for more than a few minutes. I also have another condition that requires me to avoid bending my neck, so I have to keep it straight.
This suggests you don’t drive, and that long walks or waiting at a bus stop aren’t good options for you. Since you’ve presumably lived with your disability for some time, I’m going to assume you have local transport options sorted out - please reply with more details (level of urban, distance and size of nearest cities if rural, details on who drives you places if applicable, social connections) if if that’s wrong.
You may or may not not have much long distance travel experience. How have you made longer trips in the past, other than your parents driving?
Driving
- Convincing a liberal friend to drive you to a red state within a week of the election is a tough ask - even if they are willing and have the time, they may not feel safe doing so. If they do, they’re also more likely to downplay the risk from your brother. Most people who can do this are not working: retired, unemployed, or stay-at-home parents.
Unemployed friend should be your first choice here: probably happy to make the trip if you cover gas and lodging. Stay at home parent is less likely to be able to get away because of the need to handle childcare. Retired people you know are probably also connected to your parents, which make them riskier options.
- There are also websites and apps for pairing strangers with and without cars going in the same direction. Usually the person with the car will want gas money from the one without. This is a riskier option for you. It may also take longer and require you to make temporary arrangements to stay somewhere locally, and even then not work out.
First, don’t use Facebook for this - too easy for it to get back to your family. Use your favorite search engine or app store to find a “road trip carpooling” tool. Probably as manybas possible, if you choose this option.
With your disability, you’re more vulnerable to unsympathetic or even politically hostile drivers. When they ask about your trip, don’t tell them why you left. You’re going to visit family you haven’t seen in a while. Talk about things you’ve done with them in the past, and what you’re looking forward to doing with them now. Don’t mention things that convey their (or your) politics.
If you’re paired with a MAGAt or someone who holds otherwise objectionable views, do not push back. Express indifference, or even agreement if that’s what it takes. You’re vulnerable both because of your disability and because they control your transportation - you don’t want to be stranded at the next rest or gas stop.
Air
You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. You can buy a ticket online through a site like Travelocity, Kayak, or Orbitz. That will usually be cheaper than through the airlines. Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.
Show up over an hour early - preferably two, I don’t know how muvh your disability may slow things down. Check-in is probably at a kiosk. Then ask the first uniformed person you see for mobility assistance. With your standing issues, that will probably mean someone to push you in a wheelchair to TSA. Documentation of your disability may help here, but shouldn’t be necessary.
After TSA, they’ll probably send a golf cart to rake you to the gate. Once boarding is called, disability should make you eligible to board at any time. If you need to lie down to keep enough cognitive ability to recognize the right boarding call, do so, and explain to any official that tells you to sit up (but they probably won’t). Ignore any passengers that say anything about it - you don’t have to answer to them.
When you board, make the flight crew aware of the cognitive issues with sitting. Ask them to tell you specifically at each stop if it’s time for you to exit the plane.
When you arrive, ask for mobility assistance again. There will be a taxi stand at the airport if you need that. You may not want to call ahead to your family even then, so you can make your request in person not to contact your brother and parents.
Bus
Greyhound, or Megabus. You will need state ID, drivers license, or passport for this. It will be physically challenging.
Again, you can buy tickets online. I recommend this, as they sell out. If buying and printing the ticket at home is not safe, you can still plan the trip and then buy at the terminal if there is one - but it limits your starting point options to actual terminals (not all Greyhound stops have them). The ride will be long, cramped, and you will almost certainly have to change buses at some point. Bring something to do that won’t run down your phone battery, like a book or knitting.
There will be less assistance than with flying. Lying down at the station is more common, but if they’re full they’re more likely to make you sit up despite your disability. There will be stops where you can buy food. There won’t be a taxi stand at the other end, but there will almost certainly be a local bus stop.
> I also can't safely lift anything that's heavier than a few pounds, so anything more than that is very risky. I can push and pull fine.
Do you have a rolling small suitcase you frequently use for taking things with you when you go places nearby? If so, pack what you can in that. Ignore things that can be easily replaced (personal care items, fashion clothing, etc) and plan to replace them when you get where you’re going. Thrift stores are your friend. Focus on things of emotional, medical, or financial value. If there’s room left, pack underwear since that can’t be gotten used.
If leaving with anything would be unusual, don’t. Getting you out is the most important thing. Everything else is secondary. If you go the APS route for your ID, they can help you retrieve some belongings at the same time. Otherwise, plan to figure it out later.
I’d add shelters to the list if you can’t immediately get direct travel to family. Many provide support services as well which can help you on your next steps.
Print your ticket if you feel safe doing so, otherwise you can get it at check-in at the airport.
You can also just have it on your phone. You don’t even need to use Apple Wallet or Google Wallet, most airlines just give you the PDF file. @sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world
Great breakdown! I’d like to add train to the options. OP might be able to utilize an Amtrak train for a portion of the trip depending on the travel destination. Here’s a map of their routes. Tickets can be purchased online, they offer assistance for disabilities, and they have places to lie down or eat food.
If you decide to fly OP, consider getting a pack of gum to chew on to help with pressure/popping in your ears during altitude changes of takeoff and landing.
Thank you, I thought I missed one! Again, this will also require some form of ID. It also provides greater leg room and comfort than airplane or bus. The seats also recline more than either of the others, which may be helpful given OP’s cognitive issues with sitting up for extended periods.
you have to put
::: spoiler button textat beginning, not just::: button textCaught that within a few seconds of posting, but edits seem to take longer to propagate than the original comment
