(CW: chapters 4 and 5 contain explicit discussions of sexual assault)

Hello comrades, it’s time for our second discussion thread for The Will to Change, covering Chapters 4 (Stopping Male Violence) and 5 (Male Sexual Being). Thanks to everyone who participated last week, I’m looking forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts again. And if you’re just joining the book club this week, welcome!

I’ll be sharing my full thoughts later as there’s quite a lot of unpack in these chapters.

In Ch.4 hooks delves into how patriarchal repression of men’s emotional worlds most often manifests as violence and rage, especially against women and children, and how patriarchy conditions both young boys and young girls to perpetuate the cycle. Ch.5 explores how patriarchal attitudes extend to the bedroom and twist our popular conceptions of sexuality, sexual fulfillment, and physical and emotional satisfaction.

If you haven’t read the book yet but would like to, its available free on the Internet Archive in text form, as well as an audiobook on Youtube with content warnings at the start of each chapter, courtesy of the Anarchist Audio Library, and as an audiobook on our very own TankieTube! (note: the YT version is missing the Preface but the Tankietube version has it)

As always let me know if you’d like to be added to the ping list!

Our next discussion will be on Chapters 6 (Work: What’s Love Got To Do With It?) and 7 (Feminist Manhood), beginning on 12/18.

  • dumplesEnglish
    5·
    12 hours ago

    Men who may have seeds of negativity and domination within them along with positive traits may find the negative burgeoning at times of crisis in their lives.

    I had a very difficult 2024 and I feel this statement. I did some major reverting to stoicism and hiding things due to times of stress. I said I did it because I wanted to protect my partner but it was just retreating to pre-learned behaviors. I have noticed it in hindsight and need to keep an eye on it in the future

    This genuinely scares me as someone who is currently single but someday desires a loving long term relationship. The people in my life describe me as a kind, gentle and loving person, but what if all the negative emotions and pain I haven’t been socially allowed to process become too much to handle and I lash out? I want to say I don’t think I would ever become a patriarchal rage monster but the fact that it’s even possible is terrifying.

    This fear is a good things to have. Bad people don’t believe that they are bad people and aren’t afraid of their behavior. They do something bad and then justify it after the fact. Or downplay how bad it is by saying everyone else is doing it. We need to understand that all of us have a dark shadow and the capacity to do something bad. By understanding that we could potential do something bad we can choose to not do that. Find ways to release the negative emotions by acknowledging them and feeling them even if they hurt. This is much easier said than done. But thinking critically about your life, your behaviors and upbringing is part of that.