Hey comrades, I hope this doesn’t break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn’t even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email.

It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn’t and I also didn’t have romantic connections.

The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don’t want to be alone forever. I don’t want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can’t shake it.

Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding.

Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can’t believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven’t met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.

  • Neptium@lemmygrad.ml
    11·
    2 years ago

    I am honestly in a similar boat.

    Having been diagnosed with social anxiety, anxiety and depression a few years back. Things have gotten better but it got a lot worse for a while after diagnosis (right around when covid quarantine measures started being put into place across the world).

    Being anxious to write emails or even type in a game’s chat or even in discord is something I struggled with a lot. Even now it never truly goes away. Self-doubt sets in, fear of judgment always makes me think twice.

    Even typing in anonymous social sites like this and Reddit or similar would cause unbearable amounts of anxiety that it may keep me up at night just thinking what other online strangers would think.

    And having lived in societies where romantic relationships and showing any form of romantic feelings is a no go, I literally do not have any experience with any of it. I was also so scared of being found out as gay, (i lived in where its legal to jail or enact corporal punishment on lgbt+, but of course whether they actually act upon those laws is a separate manner) I was afraid to even explore. Because of that I do feel stunted. Even now talking to other people is so stressful.

    I guess what I really want to convey is that you are not alone, nor are your problems trivial. To help others, you must help yourself.

    There is some sense of relief and also despair in finding out maybe later than you should have. After being diagnosed, all these memories of my childhood and past became tainted, because instead of blaming everything on myself, the self-hatred and the like, there were others to blame, (family, society, capitalism lol) but the self hatred is still there. Finally there was a word to describe what I feel, and yet I still feel the same.

    Now every time I think of the past, it elicits melancholy, hatred, a lot of anxiety but also sometimes calmness. I see my past; a kid maybe grappling with issues that no kid should really be exposed to. Scared that no one was like him. And worst part is, there is actually no one to blame. How can i? Blame my parents for being homophobic in a homophobic society? Or my siblings for treating me the way they did when they don’t even remember what they did?

    Its pain we carry throughout our lives. Its not irrational to feel the things we feel.

    I used to cry alone in my bedroom many nights overwhelmed with everything. Sometimes I still do.

    I am unsure if this exercise would work for you but it did work for me. Think about your situation or about any social situation that you were in. Instead of you, replace it with someone else. Either a friend or even just some stranger. If that person then comes to you about their issues of social anxiety, would you treat them the same way you treat yourself?

    I’d like to think as you are on this site, as socialists and communists, we have a great love and optimism of humans and humanity. Clearly, you won’t trivialise nor insult that person who came to you for help. And its the same with your own thoughts about yourself. Treat yourself as how you would treat other people.

    Even though you are just an online stranger on my screen, I genuinely do hope that you’ll find a way out of this trough - because in part I am also in it, and we must hope for eachother’s sakes.