Hey comrades, I hope this doesn’t break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn’t even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email.
It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn’t and I also didn’t have romantic connections.
The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don’t want to be alone forever. I don’t want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can’t shake it.
Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding.
Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can’t believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven’t met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.
You’re not alone comrade. I too suffer from some social anxieties. Then I kept waiting to be “financially stable” as they say before buying a house and then looking into dating. I figured if I was at least on my own and stable I would have that going for me. First is was “ok I’m out of college let’s get a good job. Once I’m there for a bit it’s house time.” Then it turned into “ok let’s find a stable job” cause all I had were contract jobs. Then job after job either wasn’t stable or I hated it and didn’t want to stay long term due to off shifts or location.
Then I got a good one and though "wow can I finally look into moving out and getting my own place? Then COVID happened and the market for housing went to fuck all shit and it’s been shit ever since. Now I’m basically stuck at home and I’m at an age where it’s gotten uncomfortable to tell new people I still live with parents. Even if it’s a fairly respectful relationship. I don’t rely on them for anything in my life but it just feels too awkward to think about dating. So now I’m stuck here, basically hoping for full societal collapse because at least it might change something in the rut I’ve been stuck in.
Despite all this I’m loads better mentally now than some years ago. At one point I thought I had a decent job for a few years but the shift and the stress started to build and at one point as I was making yet another hour long 12am drive home I thought I might should call a buddy hand off my rifle off to him cause the thoughts I was having about myself at the time weren’t good. Luckily it wasn’t necessary. I started meditation and started reading daily Tao passages which got me more interested in Chinese culture. I was a baby leftist back then and supported communism but also was still pretty brainwashed with the anti China Kool aid. Also I did a good amount of mushrooms (lol). All these things really changed my outlook. While I’m still lonely and not sure what I can/want to do I’m less worried about it.
There are a lot of people who live with their parents. You’ll probably be able to find someone who that isn’t a deal breaker for.
I recently moved back in with my mother after living on my own for a few years. I kind of know how you feel. But as @bobs_guns@lemmygrad.ml said there are people out there who won’t have a problem with your situation. Someone who is so shallow that they can’t accept your circumstances won’t be a good partner anyway.