Hey comrades, I hope this doesn’t break the rules but I needed someplace to rant to sane people. I know how well threads like this go over on R*ddit. Due to some hefty psychological abuse during my childhood, I suffer from bad social anxiety. Until very recently I couldn’t even talk to strangers via phone, Discord, or Email.
It took me so long to realize that I needed help and even longer to gather the strength to seek it that I am 25 now and only started getting better slowly. I just feel like it took me too long and now recovering is meaningless. I never went to any parties or clubs because I couldn’t and I also didn’t have romantic connections.
The thought of asking someone out terrifies me. I am completely clueless in dating matters and overcoming this seems like an impossible roadblock. It feels like I am already too old to have no clue about relationships and I will be definitely too old once I get over my fear of approaching someone. I don’t want to be alone forever. I don’t want to become some weird incel creep but I also feel like I already crossed the point of no return. And yet I feel silly for worrying about this. I know a lot of you have far greater problems in life. Me complaining about having social anxiety and being single just shows how good my life is if this is truly my biggest problem but I still can’t shake it.
Sorry that this rant is so uncoherent and leading to nothing I just had to get this out in an environment that is actually supporting and understanding.
Edit: thanks everyone for the kind words. I was shedding some tears while going through your replies. I was that deeply touched. I count myself once again lucky to belong to such a kind and caring community (can’t believe libs call US red red fascists) and I now feel much better about myself. I feared I was alone in my fight, and even though I haven’t met a single one of you in real life, I now know I am not. I will get around to answering everyone of you but it might take me a day or two.
It’s natural that you feel like you missed out. You did. You should mourn that as much as you need to. Being robbed of life experiences due to mental health issues is heartbreaking. Believe me, I know. That shit isn’t easy. It’s okay to be sad about that.
Well, yeah, you have social anxiety! Asking someone out is scary for pretty much everyone, put social anxiety on top of that and… I mean if I had even TRIED to ask someone out when I had social anxiety I’m pretty sure I would have had insta-died. I get that you want to date and that’s a fine goal to have, but you need to aim a little lower to start with. Something that makes you a bit nervous but not so much that it totally freaks you out. You do that over and over until eventually it doesn’t make you nervous at all, and you tackle the next thing. Then the next, until finally asking someone out suddenly doesn’t seem like the insurmountable obstacle it once was.
What makes incels creepy isn’t the fact that they haven’t had sex or that they’re shut-ins. It’s the fact that they’re entitled, misogynistic nazi rapists. You’re fine. There’s nothing wrong with being shy, or anxious, or a virgin, and anyone who disagrees with that isn’t worth the time anyway. God I sound like an after-school special… But it’s true!
Just try to be patient with yourself, comrade. Recovery takes some time and effort. Just be proud that you’ve started. Not everyone gets to that point, you know? Some go their entire lives without seeking help or even admitting to themselves that something is wrong. 25 is young. You’re 25 and you already know what abuse is like, what social anxiety is like, and what seeking helping and slowly starting to recover is like. As much as it sucks to have to learn those things, that’s the sort of experiences that breed wisdom. I’ve never become wiser after going out to a club lmao. Just saying.
Thank you. You are right, nothing worth it was achieved in a single day. I will get better even if it takes a while.