Here a joke my english teacher always told us:
What says a Saxon in New York when he wants a Christmas tree? .
A tännchen, please.
The saxon “a tännchen” sounds in english like: attention
A dog walks into a bar and says “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.”
Those ancient Sumerians sure knew how to make some knee-slappers.
I gonna explain the the joke in the picture.
The German joke is “Treffen sich zwei Jäger, beide Tot.”
THW important word is “treffen”. It can mean “meet” and “hit”(with a weapon). depending on the context
Ty, I figured there had to be a double entendre in there.
Oh I thought it was a Dick Cheney joke, I guess that’s the American version though. It actually made perfect sense to me even without the double meaning.
Two Bulgarians are driving through the countryside when they are pulled over by an officer. “Sorry to bother you”, says the officer, “but I’m looking for two child molesters.”
The Bulgarians look at each other for a moment, turn to the officer, and with a solemn nod say
“We’ll do it.”
That’s sadly the funniest German joke I’ve ever heard, I mean the punchline is there, but the set-up isn’t, meaning it’s closer to what I recognize as a joke than most Germanic Humor.
Edit: Nope, funnier German jokes are in this comment chain, I’m in a good mood today
One translated from Norwegian:
“Once upon a time… But now it’s a corridor”
I’ll supply the original and an explanation:
“Det var en gang… Men nå er det en korridor”
“Det var en gang” is literally “It was a time/an instance”, and it’s the main way every fairytale starts in Norwegian. But “gang” could also mean hallway.
“Det var en gang” is better translated as “Once upon a time”.
They showed that with their first translation. The second, more literal, translation is to explain the pun.
I used to work with a couple Czech dudes. One day my coworkers and I were badgering the one dude to tell us a Czech joke. He was pretty reluctant because he said he could only really think of one joke but wasn’t sure it would translate well. When he finally told us the joke he got us with this masterpiece.
Two balloons are floating along, one says to the other and hey look a cactus.
All of us were confused by this, he told us it was much funnier in Czech because balloon and cactus sound similar so it’s a pun. So we had him tell us the joke untranslated in Czech and balloon and cactus sound nothing alike.
I’m still not sure if this dude was fucking with us.
It’s a silly joke for little kids of preschool age and it only makes sense if you include the right sound effects. It’s supposed to go like this: Two balloons are floating along, one says to the other: - Hey look a cactussssssssssss! - Where isssssssssss it?
One that works in English:
A superconductor came to a bar and ordered a beer. The barman said - I’m not giving you a beer! Get the fuck out of my bar! The superconductor left without any resistance.
An argon atom walks into a bar. The barman says: “We don’t serve your kind here. get out”. The argon atom doesn’t react.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks: “How much for a beer?” The barman says: “For you, no charge”.
Oh hey the German version of this joke is also one that doesn’t translate! “A neutron walks into a bar. The bartender says: Sorry, only invited guests.” In German, “geladen” means both “invited” and “charged”.
A neutrino walks into a bar. The bartender asks what it wants to drink.
“Oh, nothing, I’m just passing through.”
Two drunks walk into a bar. The third one ducked.
Okay that’s actually really funny
OKay that made me chuckle a little
What’s the Czech word that’s being use for the “issss?” Since “cactus” ends with an “s” sound in both English and Czech, the joke might translate directly.
The second question is Kde ho vidíššššš? Which ends on a sh sound and the last word of the sentence means see, as in Where do you see it?
I’m Czech. The Czech version of the joke is indeed no funnier than the English translation (unless you count the bit of variety in the degassing sounds) and it’s a preschool classic. Here is the most common version (they’re all basically the same anyway) and a literal translation:
Letí dva balónky po poušti. Jeden říká: „Pozor, kaktusssss!“ — „Kde ho vidíšššššš?“
Two balloons are flying across a desert. One says: “Watch out, a cactusssss!” — “Where do you see it? shhhhh…”
I think your colleagues had a very dark or offensive joke, as these are common in Czechia. Not wanting to get into trouble, they quickly replied with the first one that came into their mind and then made up excuses for laughing so hard.
the fact that you don’t know if he’s fucking around makes it even funnier lmao
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Another one from Saxony.
A man drives his car to the junkyard, looking for replacement parts. He greets the owner and asks:
“Windshield wiper for a Trabant?”
The junkyard owner thinks for a moment, then replies:
“Sure, sounds like a fair exchange.”The Wikipedia page on East German jokes has a few Trabant jokes.
-
What’s the best feature of a Trabant? – There’s a heater at the back to keep your hands warm when you’re pushing it.
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A new Trabi has been launched with two exhaust pipes – so you can use it as a wheelbarrow.
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How do you double the value of a Trabant? – Fill it with gas.
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The back page of the Trabant manual contains the local bus schedule.
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Four men were seen carrying a Trabant. Somebody asks them why? Was it broken? They reply: “No, nothing wrong with it, we’re just in a hurry.”
-
How do you catch a Trabi? – Place a piece of chewing gum on the road.
-
Aha!
In case people are wondering: it’s indeed a german joke.
It’s a pun. “meet” and “hit” are using the same word in german
That joke used to work in English.
By c. 1300, of things, “to come into physical contact with, join by touching or uniting with;” also, of persons, “come together by approaching from the opposite direction; come into collision with, combat.”
https://www.etymonline.com/word/meet
It still can mean collision or fight, but the context needs to be very clear. Two armies meeting on the battlefield, for example. Or two hunters met in combat.
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Come to think of it, that’s a thing in Swedish as well - we could make the pun work there as well:
Två jägare träffades. Båda dog.
Båda dog! Båda dog! No Treåt
(I know å is pronounced like “eu” like in Blåhaj. Couldn’t help myself tho)
For it to match Swedish phonetic rules, it would have to be:
Bäd dågg! Bäd dågg! Nåu trit!
Wouldn’t it be “Nåo trit”?
I guess it depends on which English accent you’re emulating.
Oh true my bad, thank you!
Well, doing it in properly phonetic Swedish would have ruined the joke a bit in English, so I don’t think it’s a problem.
A Båda dog once bit my sister… No realli!
My hovercraft is full of eels!
Works in Dutch too.
Twee jagers treffen elkaar. Beiden zijn dood.
That’s why translation can be so hard, especially for poems, songs, comedy etc. Double meanings, metaphors, rhymes etc are often lost when translated.
I only understand train station.
In some cases you can replace a pun with another pun that works in the target language.
In other cases, where you’re translating a religious text, doing something for scholarly reasons, or you otherwise think your audience would really like to know what’s going on in a text you have to add a translation note.
So it’s a misstranslated joke then. With that information it’s kinda funny or at least it makes sense.
More like untranslatable, as the context just doesn’t work in English. You either have something that doesn’t make sense or - if you use the other meaning - a statement with no humor. The pun is completely dependent on the German phrasing.
treffen.
It’s a bit like the shortest joke: A woman comes at the doctor…
Or in German: Kommt 'ne Frau beim Arzt…
This one works well in German and English, but I assume it’s untranslatable in many other languages.
Stupid question
Does it play on the double meaning of “come” being “to arrive” and “to orgasm”?
That. And the fact that doctor jokes have a well known scheme that’s broken here, as you’d normally expect the joke to continue after the sentence.
A woman comes to the doctor and asks “Can I take a bath with my diarrhea?” The doctor answers: “Sure, if it’s enough to fill the tub.”
Thanks 👍
Exactly
Translated Hungarian joke:
The Székely and his son go into the forest to cut trees. When cutting a tree, the son says:
“Goodbye, my beloved father.”
“Why are you saying a farewell to me?”, asks the Székely.
“Because the tree is falling on you.”
What’s the joke? Are there slow falling trees in Hungary?
This reply made me laugh more than that joke ever did.
One of my favorite Filipino jokes:
Why didn’t the priest go swimming in the ocean? Because it’s salt water.
“Salt water” in Tagalog can be translated as “tubig asin,” which sounds like the English “too big a sin.” Many Filipino jokes rely on Tagalog and English like that.
Here’s another (putting original Tagalog because it’s kind of relevant):
May joke ako tungkol sa airport kaso NAIA ako eh hehe.
English:
I have a joke about the airport, but I am NAIA (Ninoy Aquino International Airport) hehe.
NAIA sounds like “nahiya,” which means “shy,” so it would sort of translate to “… but I was shy.”
We have some like that in England, for example a Frenchman only ever carries one egg because an egg is un oeuf
What?
WE HAVE SOME LIKE THAT IN ENGLAND, FOR EXAMPLE A FRENCHMAN ONLY EVER CARRIES ONE EGG BECAUSE AN EGG IS UN OEUF
Oeuf is French for egg. “Un oeuf” sounds like “enough”
Tubig asin, hahaha, god I wish I were bilingual
Oh I can do German-style comedy too, but as an American.
A Democrat and a Republican walk into a bar. They fight and both die in the hospital. Their families have to each pay $80,000 for medical expenses, then both families sue the bar. The bar closes, the owner divorces, spirals into alcoholism, and commits suicide. Then the funeral director buys a new house.
You said comedy, not children stories!
A European man at his favorite vacation/holiday destination on the Mediterranean goes into a bar and says, “One pint of beer.” The bartender brings him the pint, and the man pays him the price of the beer without leaving a tip. The man drinks the beer. He falls into alcoholism again. When he returns home, he discusses with his doctor options for treating alcoholism. The man is sent to a rehabilitation facility for a few months and recovers. When he returns home, he still has his job. lmaooooo Europe is so much better than USA 🤣🤣🤣
I thought this was turning into a Latvian joke.
The man drinks the beer. He falls into alcoholism again. His children go hungry. His wife succumbs to tuberculosis. The man drinks to forget, but the beer runs out. Now the man can never forget.
Only one issue. Beer is not sold by pints in the Mediterranean.
Fine. A Celsius or kilometer of beer then.
1km³ would be sick
I’m pretty sure that’s just how Barcelona operates.
Fuck it. I’m down. Sounds like fun. Can’t wait to aggravate Germans with my immature German bullshit. Achhh duven shneider volkwagens nien schaft vida zein!! Get your train pass and speedo ready. I’ll bring over some BBQ, debt, and assault rifles. Let’s do it 🏖🚈
You only need Speedos if you’re going to France. They have a weird thing about Speedos
Heh. Relatable vibe.
To explain the joke, as is tradition in Germany. “To meet” translates to “treffen” in German. Which can also mean “to hit something or somebody”.
Once had a multicultural family gathering where we translated the same joke into several languages.
A man knocks at a door. A woman opens and he says: “Hello, my name is Toulouse. I’m here to fuck your daughter.” The woman screams: “To what?!?” He answers calmly: “Toulouse.”
„Hallo, mein
meineName ist Umberto und ich bin hier um Ihre Tochter zu ficken“„UM WAS???“
„Umberto.“
So I’ve been learning German for a couple of months. Wouldn’t it be “mein name?” 🤔 because presumably Umberto is male?
Buy yes, funny joke 😂
Male or female, it’s always “mein” because “Name” is a male noun.
Vielen Dank!
“To meet” translates to “treffen” in German. Which can also mean “to hit something or somebody”.
Join the shooting club, meet new friends.
Schiessen lernen; Freunde treffen! is a popular slogan with German shooting clubs.
Hola, mi nombre es Álvaro, vengo a tirarme/follarme a tu hija.
¿¡¿¡¿A qué?!?!?
Álvaro.
In the early 80s, American scientists and engineers produced the smallest precision drill bit ever created. With great pride and fanfare, they sent it to their West German colleagues for study and reproduction.
Just days later, the engineering team received a parcel. In it, a note: “Thank you for letting us test our equipment” and the original drill bit with a hole drilled through its center.
I know a variant
endingof this:I messed up a bit. They were sending the thinnest wire they could build.
Just days later, the engineering team received their
drillbitwire with a note attached: „The description got lost on the way. We didn’t know what to do with the rod you sent us, so we cut an internal threading into it. Best regards!“
