In 2019 my friend started sending me compilations of ADHD and ASD videos and memes. They had clocked me long before I understood myself, probably due to my severe sensory issues that make life hell for me and anyone living with me. I thought they were funny and really resonated but it was a very very slow realization. I was in a lot of denial but the more other people talked about their struggles (through comedy, my main coping mechanism) the more I identified with them.
I’ve been formally diagnosed with ADHD. I have taken all of the tests for ASD and score highly but I am not pursuing an official diagnosis. The ADHD can be used for any accommodation I request and generally isn’t used against people the way an ASD diagnosis would be.
It’s been about a 4 year journey of self reflection and exposure to what ADHD/ASD really are (vs. the dated stereotypes of “squirrel” or nonverbal or Rain Man) to understand there’s an explanation for my many, many traits.
Tl;Dr funny tiktoks made me question my identity and I unraveled
A long time I experienced myself as “normal”. It didn’t occur to me, that “all the others are weird” can’t be right. While reading about ADHD a friend of mine also read about Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. He often said (both teasingly and matter-of-factly) “You most certainly are autistic”. Eventually I had enough of it and looked it up. The Wikipidia article convinced me blazingly fast (“wrong planet syndrome”) and I got diagnosed within half a year by the age of 34 (i.e. 8 years ago by the time of writing).
It didn’t occur to me, that “all the others are weird” can’t be right.
It hadn’t occurred to me until right now when I read that 🤦
a friend of mine also read about Autism and Asperger’s Syndrome. He often said (both teasingly and matter-of-factly) “You most certainly are autistic”.
Did you ever discussed it with him after you got your diagnosis? What do you think was up with his confidently wrong assessment?
There was nothing wrong with his assessment and I’m still grateful that he nudged me in the right direction.
I was my therapist’s PHD thesis. I was like 48. Up to that point everyone knew I was a bit odd, but couldn’t put their finger on it. (Though I do have a lifelong Major Depression diagnosis, so most people just figured I’m a lune.)
Weird, this sounds like me but I’m only 26. Major Depression and “a bit odd” is a good way to put it. Would you be willing to share any more detail about the process?
I was really starting to notice how much I identified with issues and problems and just the general way of being other people with ADHD and autism describe it, so went to the doctor to find out. Was diagnosed with ADHD and BPD, and given a referral for further testing for autism and other issues, but my appointments kept getting pushed back for that until I eventually gave up on it and am now seeking a different doctor that takes my insurance, because there’s a good chance I am actually on the spectrum.
I thought I was BPD too! I asked a relationship therapist after she had known me for ~3 months, and she opposed that I was BPD. Then, I asked my psychologist friends that had known me for ~7 years if I was BPD, which they emphatically opposed as well. Apparently, we can have wild mood swings that can appear to be BPD to a clinician that is not properly trained or has some countertransference/projection issues.
I hope it works out with the new clinician and you get a proper evaluation.
I didn’t even know about BPD until I was given my diagnosis. It explains a lot about my relationships tho. I either worship the ground you walk on or wish you were dead and struggle to maintain stable feelings.
My diagnosed-autistic boyfriend mentioned it to me. I researched it, the label fit. Took the online quizzes, started adapting some of the suggested coping strategies/‘life hacks’ and they helped.
Then I realized that maybe all the comfortable, ‘normal’ engineering nerd college friends I fit in with were less neurotypical than I thought. Other friends that had formal diagnoses told me that I felt autistic to them. We flock, you know. Later, I mentioned it to my therapist and she was like “yeah, you seem autistic to me”.
I was a psych undergrad, but never really made any friends there. All my friends were nuclear engineering students.
I’ve always felt that I am “from another planet”, both in social interactions and because I feel like an alien clumsily operating a meat puppet. I’ve been diagnosed with anxiety and depression for decades, but treatments didn’t really help. My social-worker daughter suggested a couple of years ago that perhaps I am autistic, so I started looking into it. I scored as autistic on all the online self-tests. It made sense, explained a lot of my life events. For objective verification, a month ago I went to a diagnostician. Sure enough, I’m a highly-masking autistic person.
I’m 60. It’s such a relief to know that my struggles in life were not because I am a weak or lazy person. I don’t hate myself anymore; on the contrary, I am a bit proud of how much I accomplished in life considering I didn’t know “What the hell is wrong with” me (as my dad would frequently ask).
I find it quite validating that a lot of our experiences have been so similar. Though it’s sad that many of us suffered similar difficulties on our own, I’m happy that autism awareness has been catching on and that there are spaces like this community where we can get together.
I am a bit proud of how much I accomplished in life considering I didn’t know “What the hell is wrong with” me (as my dad would frequently ask).
hell yeah! ✊
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Still waiting on my assessment.
I was working in a school with a lot of differnt courses. I’ve come across a few like “working with Nerodivergence” things just clicked.
I asked a colleague if this behaviors list was accurate as it could apply to anyone. They asked why I thought that. because all there are things i do and I’m not… oh.
omg, I was at a farmer’s market one day with my ex. We went up to a tent that was selling these little toys that were basically cubes with different fidget tools on each end, like a light switch, buttons, a spinning volume-like knob, etc. I asked the lady what they were for. She said that autistic kids really like them. I played with it for a few seconds and responded, “Man, those autistic kids really know what’s up.” I then bought one for me and one for my ex’s 7 y/o nephew. He loved it! Like a year later, I find out I’m autistic, so I go into the deep dive of learning about autism and find out that autistic kids often flap their hands when they’re excited. Guess who else did that? My ex’s nephew.
Another incident was when I was at my friend’s house and saw his 3 y/o daughter walking on her toes. I pointed it out, and the mom said, “Yeah, she got that from [the father’s] side of the family. 😮💨” I said, “Hmm…I get it. I used to walk like that, too. It hurts to hit your heel on the ground and provides for better shock absorption.” About 3 months later, the father tells me he’s autistic.
I was so oblivious!! 🤦 😆
I, too, walk on the balls of my feet! I dislike the thump thump my heels make on the floor so I walk like that to avoid it.
Its been in the back of my mind for years, but it was Fern Brady’s run on Taskmaster that convinced me to dig deeper. She’s been open about here diagnosis and I saw a lot of familiar things in her.
Long story that played out over months… Went to the doctors with depressive episode. Got diagnosed burnout. But from what??? So… I dug into researching psychology. Turns out, I inherited the family 'tism and could trace anecdotal evidence back 4 generations. Nobody ever bothered to investigate before. Presented my findings to my therapist and her reaction after listening to it all was (paraphrasing) “You didn’t KNOW?”.
So, yeah… No ‘officially on paper’ official diagnosis yet. I don’t plan on getting one, because it turns out, the main cause of my problems isn’t Autism, it’s ADHD on top (that one got official a few months later), but now I am doing better with that under control and unlearning all the masking I did.
Yesss! I didn’t realize how much ADHD was affecting me until I got medicated. It became a whole new world. I’m happy you’re doing better with it under control.
I didn’t know my mother, and my father was classic Narcissist PD. When I looked into my family history, the only telling thing I could find was that my mother smoked cigarettes throughout the entire pregnancy.
I’ll admit I don’t know if I am, but I’ve had a bunch of people ask me of I was. Or when I bring it up people going, ‘yeaaaa’. I’d love to find out officially since I don’t want to claim something (ie not muddle the water as it were) if it’s not true of me.
While I’ve not jumped down the rabbit hole a lot of the elements fit me to well. Funny enough rabbit holes are hard for me to dive into because I learn by doing and basically can’t read PDFs. But I do hyper focus on stuff that interests me which makes me wonder if I’m that interested in finding out. I’ve heard that masking makes it hard to find out in adults and I’ve spent my life masking various things (mainly my gender and being ‘normal’). I’m rambling sorry.
A Healthygamer.gg video talked about the overlap of transgender and autism and that was when I was able to accept I (probably) have autism, and soon thereafter fullt accepted myself as trans female rather than a less extreme version of trans.
That sounds like a cool and unique path! Did you learn anything else about transgender and autism??
I learned a lot about transgender stuff by reading online. The Null HypotheCis, and the make me a woman button page, and other blog posts. I spent a lot of time reading r/nonbinary, r/agender, r/adrogynous etc. And eventually realized I’d be okay with, nay, want to be female.
Egg_irl, Unix_socks and reading r/femboys and seeing their profiles often said they are transfems rather than feminine males were also very helpful! I relate to almost ALL egg memes. Ive been repping so long that I’ve just tried everything. Folk pop, 100 gecs, MMOs, Arch Linux, the list goes on and on.
On autism, I found a channel called No Boilerplate who talks about Rust programming but also talks about how he copes with autism and even just regular adult issues. I watched videos about masking vs. Not masking…
And HealthyGamer.gg has many videos that can be helpful to the neurodivergent and trans reppers without ever breaking the prime directive. “Burnt out gifted kids”, “wasting life on video games”, and other stuff.
My therapist did unofficially diagnose me autistic and then trans, but I did the work of self-acceptance alone. The key takeaway from therapy was learning which mindfulness techniques actually worked for me. And most of my therapy was over the phone wearing headphones, with only two of our sessions being in person.
Thanks for asking!
That’s really interesting! I’m glad you were able to find all of those resources and that they were helpful. It seems like you have an inquisitive mind that dives into topics you find interesting.
Thanks for sharing, and you’re welcome
Well it started with one of my friends noticing specific patterns of behaviour I had. I don’t remember all of the things he noticed, but it caused me to look into it. When I was reading the symptoms off of medical sites, I felt like I was reading about myself. I was honestly shocked, and didn’t know how to take it. As I reflected on many of my experiences growing up, it made sense of things which I hadn’t found reasonable explanations for.
It explained struggles I had socially, it explained my sensory sensitivities, it explained why I often felt depleted, and it brought light to things which I wasn’t fully aware of.
I asked my mother if she ever thought I was autistic, and she said she is pretty sure I am. One reason, was that when I was a kid, she couldn’t ask me what I wanted to eat for breakfast. Rather, she had to ask, do you want toast? Then if I said no, she would present another option. Also, I got tested for learning disabilities when I was in school. I scored extremely low in some areas, and extremely high in other areas. They couldn’t diagnose anything because I it gave me an average score.
I’m now looking at getting diagnosed, but it is a demanding process. Dealing with waitlists, and checking prices between different professionals, is exhausting. I may decide not to get diagnosed, if it becomes too complicated. However, I was confident of being autistic, after my mother thought I was as well.
When I was reading the symptoms off of medical sites, I felt like I was reading about myself.
Do you remember what site? I’m asking because I had read about autism and Aspergers in the DSM multiple times and it never clicked for me at all. I was completely oblivious. Truly, the only sign about me that I ever even remotely considered was that I really liked autistic people.
Also, I got tested for learning disabilities when I was in school. I scored extremely low in some areas, and extremely high in other areas.
Woah! I had a girlfriend that was a psychologist learning to give an IQ test, so she practiced on me. When she looked at my results, she said that my scores were indicative of ADHD, which we both knew I had, but I never realized how much ADHD was impacting my life until I got medicated for it. The struggle is real!
I’m now looking at getting diagnosed, but it is a demanding process. Dealing with wait lists, and checking prices between different professionals, is exhausting. I may decide not to get diagnosed, if it becomes too complicated.
Yes, that can be an overwhelming task, especially since the topic itself could be mentally draining. The way I found a quick autism assessment was to ask local autism organizations for a list of reputable evaluators. Then, I called around to like 10 of them. I found one that was actually pretty economic and saw me within a month. She charge $900 to conduct the ADOS-2 (autism), the ASRS (ADHD), a lengthy clinical interview, and had me collect a bunch of information from my past. Other places didn’t even have space on their waiting lists and were charging anywhere from $1.5k up to $3k if I remember correctly. Maybe you could try that if you haven’t already.
Do you remember what site? I’m asking because I had read about autism and Aspergers in the DSM multiple times and it never clicked for me at all. I was completely oblivious. Truly, the only sign about me that I ever even remotely considered was that I really liked autistic people.
I am pretty sure this was one of the main one: https://psychcentral.com/autism/autism-spectrum-disorder-symptoms?c=1504654228509#diagnosis But it doesn’t cover all the symptoms I have identified in myself. The DSM V descriptions were way too vague for me.
Woah! I had a girlfriend that was a psychologist learning to give an IQ test, so she practiced on me. When she looked at my results, she said that my scores were indicative of ADHD, which we both knew I had, but I never realized how much ADHD was impacting my life until I got medicated for it. The struggle is real!
I’ve wondered if I have ADHD - Inattentive Type. But every time I have read the symptoms and done tests online, it seems I don’t. The only reason why I wondered is because I know ASD and ADHD can co-occur. I suspect the learning disabilities test I did was an indicator of ASD, before I knew I had it. I’m not convinced either way with ADHD, it’s a possibility. But there’s not enough backing the possibility that I do have it.
Yes, that can be an overwhelming task, especially since the topic itself could be mentally draining. The way I found a quick autism assessment was to ask local autism organizations for a list of reputable evaluators. Then, I called around to like 10 of them. I found one that was actually pretty economic and saw me within a month. She charge $900 to conduct the ADOS-2 (autism), the ASRS (ADHD), a lengthy clinical interview, and had me collect a bunch of information from my past. Other places didn’t even have space on their waiting lists and were charging anywhere from $1.5k up to $3k if I remember correctly. Maybe you could try that if you haven’t already.
I may have found one that is good. It’s a lot cheaper than the other’s I’ve seen around. I’m currently in the process of asking them lots of questions, because if I’m paying for it, and it costs a lot less, I want to make sure it is going yo give me a definitive medical diagnosis.
Good job on being picky with the evaluator. I recommend you also evaluate them on how you feel when talking to them. I know for me, if someone professional felt off, I would still trust them in the past because I assumed my judgment was wrong because they were a “professional”. That has blown up in my face, so I listen to myself more often now. Thanks for sharing the link!
No worries! I will take your suggestion into account.
My mental health has been slowly degrading over the last 20 years. But when something changes very slowly I always wonder “did it really change?”. Also when I am depressed it feels like I have allways been depressed. So for a long time I didn’t do anything about it and just tried to function. Our neighbours, who are also friends are social workers and they work with autistic people who can not live without help but are mostly independent. They once let slip that they think I could be autistic. When everything got so bad that I finally couldn’t procrastinate looking for therapy any more I had an initial talk with a psychologist. They asked some questions we were talking about many aspects of my life when I told them about the theory. Next thing they told me was: “This must be diagnosed before you start any kind of therapy because the therapy would need to be completely different depending on the diagnosis.” So I started searching for places who diagnose autism in adults. Every one in my area had waiting lists for years so I started looking further out. In the end I was lucky and found a place in a city I could reach by train (I can’t drive) where I had to wait only a month or so. The friendly psychologist there told me after a few minutes that she was reasonably sure I was autistic and had ADHD but that we still needed to do all the tests just to be sure. We did all the tests and it was confirmed.
Wowww. That’s a long hard road. I’m happy your neighbors let slip out and that you took as valuable information to make sense of your difficulties. Did you end up engaging in mental health services after the diagnosis?
Had my first therapy session last week. We both still have to decide if we are a good fit, but it’s looking good. It was already a big help for me knowing that I’m not just lazy and wasting my talent but doing my best in a bad situation and that no amount of willpower would have gotten me over this.
I can now have much more compassion with myself. Life is still hard but I’m taking steps to make it better and I’m not alone. My wife supports me as much as she can.
I’m so happy for you! I hope it works out with this therapist. If it doesn’t, there are a bunch more therapists you can engage with. Some of the most helpful advice I got when I first found out about being autistic was to “listen to your gut”. If something doesn’t feel right, then you don’t need to endure it. You’re paying for it, so it should be a safe and helpful experience.
I’m not very good at identifying feelings that are not extreme. So that is sadly not very much use to me.
Same. I even have trouble telling when I’m hungry. I usually can only tell when I’m either irritable or weak and notice that I haven’t eaten in a long time.
My son was diagnosed before he even turned 3 and his younger sister was being assessed, both of them are non-verbal. What I was learning about it put so many things from my entire childhood and youth in perspective and everything finally made sense, so I consulted and sure enough was diagnosed myself. My parents refused to accept it, they said I’m making excuses to not act “normally” and have cut all contact. I made my peace with that and am grateful about it, I no longer have to tolerate toxic people demeaning me for who I am, and my children sure don’t deserve that.
My parents refused to accept it, they said I’m making excuses to not act “normally” and have cut all contact.
That’s about them. I wonder what is up with that because it seems so irrational to me. Perhaps they feel guilty, embarrassed, or something and can’t handle it, so it’s safer for them to blame you and the entire medical community than accept any sort of feelings related to it. Still, it’s so messed up.
I made my peace with that and am grateful about it, I no longer have to tolerate toxic people demeaning me for who I am, and my children sure don’t deserve that.
That’s great! I’m happy to hear you’re taking it in a healthy manner and protecting your kids ❤️
