• Varyk@sh.itjust.works
          13·
          1 year ago

          Friendship is, fundamentally, liking somebody and they like you and you enjoy spending time together, supporting and communicating with each other.

          Importantly:

          you don’t get to be in any sort of genuine relationship with someone else without their consent and mutual interest.

          If you like them and they do not like you, that’s the end of it.

          As for how it begins, it drives on every situation: maybe you saw someone play pool well and you’d like to know how the game works from their perspective.

          Maybe you had a significant conversation with an acquaintance of ten years that drew the two of you closer together.

          Maybe you saw someone’s jacket and thought “what a cool jacket.”. The initial interest can come from anywhere.

        • thorbot@lemmy.world
          132·
          1 year ago

          First, you need do human activity such as ingest nutrient enriched bread product. While consuming said item, while mouth cavity is largely clear you use tooth stones and mouth muscle to engage another human with guttural mouth noises. If they are pleasing, other human will engage. Continue this process until best friend received.

  • AFK BRB Chocolate@lemmy.world
    28·
    1 year ago

    There’s no one answer that’s true for everyone. It’s like asking how you can be the perfect spouse for someone: it depends on what the person is looking for.

    But there are some norms and generalities. Some attributes that most people want from a friend are:

    • They can trust you because you keep their confidence, you don’t make fun of them when they make mistakes, and are otherwise sensitive to their feelings.
    • You act with their best interests, at least sometimes even over your own.
    • You’re candid with them, but not hurtful.
    • You’re interested in some of the same things
    • You enjoy each other’s company

    Note that the are exceptions to all of these. Some people want to hang out with someone they feel superior to. Some people gravitate to people who reinforce their own inferiorities. Etc.

        • DontTakeMySky@lemmy.world
          2·
          1 year ago

          Do similar things with a similar meaning, don’t just do what they do. They might like buying small gifts, but receiving small gifts might make them feel guilty.

      • AFK BRB Chocolate@lemmy.world
        7·
        1 year ago

        I guess my advice is you’re wanting to be a friend to someone in particular is to really listen to them. When they tell you about something going on in their life, try to imagine what is like for them - what it would be like for you. Feed that back to them (“Wow, I’d be nervous if that was me, were you nervous?” and that kind of thing). Be genuinely interested in what’s going on with them.

        I’m glad you found someone who seems to care about you. Good luck.

      • Alchemy@lemmy.worldEnglish
        61·
        1 year ago

        You sound like a good, genuine person. That’s a great trait to have in a friend. One thing friends often share is a common interest in activities, be it food, cooking, hunting for mushrooms, going to museums, anything that you enjoy.

  • sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz
    16·
    1 year ago

    It’s hard and may not happen. As Forrest Gump said:

    Bubba was my best good friend. And even I know that ain’t something you can find just around the corner.

      • sin_free_for_00_days@sopuli.xyz
        2·
        1 year ago

        Just life. I’m in my 50s. People change, move, fade in and out of my life. Over the years I’ve had many acquaintances, a handful of good friends, and one best friend. Now my best friend I’ve been friends with for decades. We may only email/text/call every couple weeks/months, and at this point we don’t meet up but once or twice every year or two. When we do, it’s like no time has passed. The same stupid jokes, the same taste in entertainment, similar philosophical discussions, etc. The bond was forged through experiences we had growing up together. I can’t see developing another friend like that again because I lack the naivety, energy, and freedom (really just youth) that I once had.

        I said it may not happen, because it’s a commitment. Not a conscious one. It’s, as I said before, life. Situations come up, life changes, close friends move away physically or emotionally. They may come back into your life, they may not. But having a “best” friend is something I think I took for granted a long time before noticing that a lot of people’s “best” friend is often talked about in past tense.

        On the other hand, I have some friends who have a best group of friends. That is to say, a handful of people who have stuck together for decades and really work as a best friendship group. I’ve always been a little envious of that.

  • Rhynoplaz@lemmy.world
    111·
    1 year ago

    This is the most wholesome thing I’ve read today, and I’m more realizing how much I needed it. Thank you!

  • NaibofTabr@infosec.pubEnglish
    7·
    1 year ago

    Be the friend that they need, and don’t try to make them into the friend that you want.

    But also, be careful… don’t get used by someone who doesn’t actually care about you.

  • Synthead@lemmy.world
    6·
    1 year ago

    You’d be surprised how much more excellent your friendships become from being a patient, attentive, and engaged listener. Let them say exactly what they mean to say with no interruptions. Don’t make suggestions or opinions. Let them be heard, and occasionally comment on what they’re saying so that they know you’re listening.

    I find this to be kind of a rare thing in a lot of people. Most folks just wait for you to finish so that they can say what they want to say. Simply listening is a great way to get to know someone better and show that you care.