• hypertown@lemmy.worldOP
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      1 year ago

      This reminds me of the story about some old dude’s dog that always shits on my neighbor’s sidewalk. One day neighbor saw that and run to that guy with scary look on his face. He started scolding old guy that he should clean after his dog and old guy respond he’s too old to do that, his back hurt and stuff. The dog saw the whole thing and in a shame he just ate his own shit so poor old man didn’t have to clean it up.

    • crawancon@lemm.ee
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      1 year ago

      my angel went one level derper.

      he took a shit, ate it, puked up that eaten shit, then started eating that shitty puke… which he puked.

      had to throw out that sofa.

  • Agent641@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    Angels attacked a friend of mine for more than 90 minutes, taking off and eating part of her legs, arms, breast and face. The paramedics that eventually brought her to the hospital were so traumatized they still have not returned to work. My friend has had 11 reconstructive surgeries so far.

    #touchedbyanangel

  • EmoDuck@sh.itjust.works
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    1 year ago

    Imagine a pitbull goring a toddler before looking you dead in the eyes and saying “BE NOT AFRAID”

    • AquaTofana@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Right? These comments are wild. I used to browse r/dogfree because I thought it was (mostly) satire and OTT on purpose, and I’d laugh at a lot of it. I thought it was parodying something else.

      Every once in a while there’d be stories that made me empathize and feel bad for the person, like some people were saying that they had severe debilitating allergies and they couldn’t frequent their favorite restaurants anymore because pet patios were installed - yeah that sucks.

      Some stories were even straight up super sad, like people who were traumatized from being bitten/attacked earlier on in their lives. Yeah - I’d probably be wary of dogs too if that happened to me.

      But the vast majority of those comments were like “OMG DOGS STINK AND THEY SLOBBER EVERYWHERE. HOLY SHIT THEY LICK THEIR NUTS LOL FUCK DOGS AMIRIGHT?! THEY POOP ON THE FLOOR - GROSS.” I genuinely thought those were purposeful parody stories because hating dogs for just existing is such a…weird stance.

      Apparently it’s a thing though 🤷‍♀️.

      • Roboticide@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        I wanna know if they all applied those sentiments to all pets.

        There isn’t a single domesticated animal that isn’t “gross” and has to be cleaned up after constantly. Dogs will shit on the floor when you don’t let them outside to shit in nature, but a cat doing what it’s supposed to do will shit in a box you have to empty regularly and shreds your furniture for fun. At least dogs only lick their balls, cats have the flexibility to straight up lick their assholes.

        • EddoWagt@feddit.nl
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          1 year ago

          You can train a cat to shit in the toilet and flush. Also, we accidently locked our cat out of access to the litter box at night ones and he shat in the corner of a closet, which I honestly just found very sad but polite

          • TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works
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            1 year ago

            I don’t know if that’s possible with every cat. Some cats are smart and some cats are dumb, just like people. Not only that, but even if the cat is smart enough, sometimes they just don’t want to listen.

            Have you trained your cat to do this? I don’t even know where you would start, but I’m interested.

            • EddoWagt@feddit.nl
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              1 year ago

              I have not, you have to train them from a really young age as cats get stubborn when they get older. We got our cat from a shelter, so we never got the chance to try. but basically you have to start with getting a litterbox which you can put on the toilet, after a while you can remove it and they keep dumping their load there. Not sure how you would get them to flush, but I have heard of cats doing just that

              • TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works
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                1 year ago

                That’s wild! Thanks for the info. Yea my rescue cat is probably too old to try now, too. I will definitely remember this next time I wind up with a kitten.

      • VoilaChihuahua@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        Edgelords gonna edge. You like something common and popular? Well I don’t because I’m incredibly unique and tragically misunderstood - just like the other thousands of people whose sentiments I echo. Replying makes me a hypocrite, but pondering other’s self-imposed misery is a waste of your time. If we magically exterminated these pesky “x” all that pissy emotion would just transfer to the hot new “y”. Any reason to complain will do. It’s the act itself that releases the cortisol.

    • Maalus@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      I personally hate any animal that poses a significant danger to me. So as much as I hate caracals, tigers, etc while loving cats, I hate large dogs that are aggressive, are able to kill me and if they decide to do so, I wouldn’t have too much of a defense against them. Anything else is fine by me.

      • dustyData@lemmy.world
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        1 year ago

        A cat could kill you, easily. They literally have razor sharp claws in all their legs, a well placed puncture or even an infected cut could endanger your life. Cats have, rarely, killed babies. They are literally mostly carnivore tiny tigers who kill for a living.

          • HikingVet@lemmy.sdf.org
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            1 year ago

            Cats prefer warm meat, so if you die and they are hungry they are multiple times more likely to start eating you immediately.

            Dogs at least will wait until its a survival issue.

  • Someonelol@lemmy.ml
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    1 year ago

    I saw an angel casually walk down a street with a human head in his mouth. I’d post the video but, y’know, rule 4.

    • DragonTypeWyvern@literature.cafe
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      1 year ago

      A hot, sexy angel, as the TV keeps telling me.

      But let’s be honest, God has killed way more people than Satan. Dude brags about it too, with his rainbows meaning

      “Haha, I promise not to hit you anymore… but I could.”

    • Buddahriffic@lemmy.world
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      1 year ago

      Which is funny because how would you even defy an omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent being?

      Though the old testament did write them more as old friends that disagreed on some things rather than bitter enemies, having bets and fucking with humans for their amusement. Kinda like the whole thing was made up by a bunch of different people at different times who didn’t all have a strong grasp on what real power was and thought it required anger like a human with power that only exists because of threats of violence and were really just trying to turn their wise reputation into their own power backed by a vengeful god’s power.

      • Which is funny because how would you even defy an omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent being?

        From what I remember when my parents took me to church as a kid, he just kept bugging God for power. Eventually God had enough of his shit.

  • kingthrillgore@lemmy.ml
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    1 year ago

    Angels in the Bible: “Be not afraid”

    Angels in Ultrakill: “I WILL WRITE A BIBLE STORY IN YOUR BLOOD, MACHINE!”

  • Hopps@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    According to the lore, demons are fallen angels so you can keep this narrative going

  • TORFdot0@lemmy.world
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    1 year ago

    This tracks. The God of the Bible sent an angel to kill the first born child of every household in Egypt unless they splattered lamb’s blood over their door. (Hence the Passover)