Hey, metroDetroit™ playas! This year you’ve got a date for Valentine’s Day? Wanna impress your potential soulmate on the most romantic day (and, if you play your cards right, night) of the year? The problem being you’re…ahem…on a budget? Well, r², your Lemming of Love™, your Moderator dell’Amore®, has got a tip for you all…

DON’T take them to White Castle for Valentine’s Day!

If you follow the above link, you’ll read one of the many article-mercials for table service on Valentine’s Day at participating White Castles. Taking your date to a White Castle before you’re both all closin’-one-eye-to-focus, sloppy drunk and need to eat something (but you can’t find a Taco Bell) isn’t romantic. It’s cheap. It’s not even kitschy cheap. Even if you and your date both love them “sliders” (they’re called that for a reason, you know) it will end badly for you…

Best of possible scenarios: after your faces and fingers are both covered in grease and you leave stinkin’ of WC (that’s White Castle, not WC, although that is always a possibility) and you fall madly in love despite all that, your partner is never going to stop bringing up your first date to their friends, how your cheap ass took them to White Castle for Valentine’s Day.

Just a tip, my little cherubs! I love you all. 💓