I remember experiencing the world much more vividly when I was a little boy.
I would step outside on an autumn evening and feel joy as the cool breeze rustled the leaves and caressed my skin. In the summers, I would listen to the orchestra of insects buzzing around me. I would waddle out of the cold swimming pool and the most wonderful shiver would cascade out of me as I peed in the bathroom. In the winters, I would get mesmerized by the simple sound of my boots crunching the snow under me.
These were not experiences that I actively sought out. They just happened. I did not need to stop to smell the figurative roses, the roses themselves would stop me in my tracks.
As I got older, I started feeling less and less and thinking more and more.
I’ve tried meditation, recreation, vacation, resignation, and medication. Some of these things have helped but I am still left wondering… is this a side effect of getting older? Or is there something wrong with me?
That might be a part of it (I like the term world-weariness). We learn over time to take the familiar for granted. Also since starting a company I’m pretty burdened by what’s required to keep it alive. Carrying that every day makes the world look a little grey sometimes.
Under that weight, my mind constantly seems to want to settle into comfortable things – static ideologies, subjects or jobs I can be an expert in without further study, routines, groups of friends. I think it’s betraying me into mediocrity, so every once in the while I hit the reset switch on those things.
So periodically, I put my habits aside and try to radically change my perspective, even just to prove I still can. Especially by taking on arbitrary creative tasks. That helps me a lot. You also end up with a very strange combination of skills after a while!