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Straight up; we need better sex education so people can learn how to masturbate.
The surgeon general that suggested that in the most vague way in the 90s got fired.
Every single person with a penis has done this at least once but most of us don’t write a book about it
EDIT: this is clearly a class divide and the bourgeoisie are showing their ass in the comments (it has a golden buttplug in it)
cant say ive done this
This is because you are a coward
Funniest thing I’ve read all day
Every single person with a penis has done this
What? Did I miss the dudes101 class? Was it a fucking group text that I thought was spam? When was I supposed to do such a thing lmao
Lmao y’all are a bunch of couch fuckers
I went to a reputable sex shop and bought a nice masturbation sleeve. It’s hypoallergenic and since it’s made from silicon it’s easy to clean and sterilize, while being safe and comfortable for your skin.
Nerd! I ran the garden hose til the earth was just soft enough and I fucked the muddy hole in the ground
btfod did love unto a hillock
Look Mother Earth needs the rejuvenating love of the New King to bring an end to winter and ensure a fertile harvest. No one said it was going to be neat, clean, and airbrushed!
Bourgeois decadence
Counterpoint: chafing is counter-revolutionary
New tagline.
Bro my gock is for slicing and dicing not pounding a couch
nah that’s fucking weird
Death to America
No…
extremely loud incorrect buzzer
Shoot me if I ever do this
I’m not ape brained enough to fuck my couch. Now, a pringles can on the other hand
Hold up, I thought you were supposed to use two dish sponges, a glove in the middle, and then rubber bands around the outside to hold the doohickey together. Furniture tends to have things like upholstery staples or zipper teeth where you least expect them.
Under no circumstances should you use
for this!
Or should you?
Two sponges, an empty pringles can, a few rubberbands and a condom was what I heard
[1] Vance, J.D. (2016). “Hillbilly Elegy”. pp. 179-181, ISBN 978-0-00822-109-6
pp
Heh heh
COUNTRY GIRLS MAKE DO
What. the. fuck
GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD! CORN
Uhh okay, I am pretty hungry. Thanks doc!
Why turn it inside out
To reuse it, duh
Implying Al Gore didn’t do it
(it’s made up btw lol)
can’t say for sure
Actually based
Vice presinald Fifi
That’s why I’m voting for Vice President Portnoy
hey, Trillbillies said he didn’t mention his sexuality until page 209!
Oh fuck. I misunderstood this for too long. I thought this meant he made some kind of dildo contraption with the glove, got on all fours, and got pounded by sofa cock
