• Buffalox@lemmy.world
      33·
      24 days ago

      Yes it looks like an iron axe, and God has a problem with Iron:
      https://biblehub.com/judges/1-19.htm

      Judges 1:19

      The LORD was with the men of Judah. They took possession of the hill country, but they were unable to drive the people from the plains, because they had chariots fitted with iron.

      So the idea that God is almighty is pretty ridiculous, according to the Bible that is.

      • tourist@lemmy.world
        9·
        24 days ago

        I never actually read much of the thing

        I just assert that the burning bush was absolutely cannabis sativa, despite any solid evidence to the contrary. I don’t care that it’s not native to the region or whatever.

        Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.

        • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.orgEnglish
          4·
          23 days ago

          Anyways, why the fuck was he driving people out of the plains? Homies were just chilling in their iron chariots.

          For the same reason as now - because Israel wanted their land.

    • finitebanjo@lemmy.world
      11·
      24 days ago

      If we consider the Sistine Chapel’s depiction of the realm of heaven to be divine inspiration, the clothes were added later after some complaints.

      The whole concept of original sin is such that pure beings such as Adam and Eve did not even realize that they were naked until they ate the fruit of carnal knowledge.

      Therefor it is canon that God likes to hang out with his wang out. Freeballin.

      • pinkystew@reddthat.comEnglish
        62·
        24 days ago

        Also Jesus was a bottom

        Do you think he was topping 12 dudes a night? They started a religion after him because he was nice not because he was a multiple cummer

        So it totally makes sense for him to be flying cakes in a fight with a Hindu god

        • finitebanjo@lemmy.world
          11·
          24 days ago

          I’m not sure what your religion is but I regret to inform you that you’re not going to the good place.

        • ivanafterall ☑️@lemmy.worldEnglish
          3·
          23 days ago

          Consider that the first time he broke out the superpowers was when a wedding didn’t have booze. So he turned WATER INTO WINE. Just don’t rule out him topping 12 dudes a night is all I’m saying. He brought the party.

    • stupidcasey@lemmy.world
      22·
      24 days ago

      IDK, the christians build gods like a grade schooler:

      My god built the ocean.

      Oh yeah well mine built the earth, and the ocean is on the earth.

      Hey you can’t do that, besides I have a second god and he made the sun.

      I don’t need two gods mine is as powerful as all yours put together and he made the heavens and it has the sun in it.

      THAT’S CHEATING! And I have another god, he made the stars!

      Oh yeah well mine made everything including all the gods and he can count to infinity!

      Oh yeah even the evil gods?

      ……yeah but thats not his fault.

      Is too!

      Is not!

      Is too!

      Is not!

      Is too!, Is too!, Is too!

      Is not time infinitely!

    • ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world
      111·
      24 days ago

      For his human form, yes, but Holy Trinity-wise, I’m not so sure. Beyond 1v1, archangels tip any scales in JC’s favor.

      • ivanafterall ☑️@lemmy.worldEnglish
        7·
        23 days ago

        Are you also including the entire Hindu pantheon? Because I don’t think the trinity has a chance in hell, archangels notwithstanding.

        • ZoopZeZoop@lemmy.world
          21·
          23 days ago

          The Holy Trinity includes God who is supposedly all powerful. I think He can hold His own 1v1. I’m not saying He would thrash every Hindu god, but it’s not a trouncing of God situation, either. Regardless, when you start adding in the entire kingdom of Heaven, even against the entire pantheon of Hindu gods, I think Heaven wins out.

    • jaybone@lemmy.world
      2·
      23 days ago

      What about that one who sleeps for like 32 million years? Seems like he would be pretty easy to off.

  • xenoclast@lemmy.world
    37·
    24 days ago

    When they’re both Christians, Jesus just picks his favorite. If you lose you know that you’re not jesus’s favorite. Sorry that’s just the way it is. Loser.

  • The Pantser@lemmy.world
    37·
    24 days ago

    Also relevant, two people of the same religion praying for the same thing. The god fights themselves. Or flips a coin, free will remember.

    • dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de
      47·
      23 days ago

      ChatGPT spat this out.

      It all began with two children on Earth, both eyes squeezed shut, hands folded tightly in prayer. One was Lucy, a ten-year-old with a sharp tongue and an encyclopedic knowledge of words. The other was Max, a quiet but determined boy who practiced his spelling with such focus that every letter felt like a victory.

      Each child prayed the same thing: Please, God, let me win the spelling bee.

      And God heard. But not just God—Archangels Gabriel and Michael did, too.

      “Lucy’s the one,” Gabriel said, convinced. “She’s got skill, and she practices every day. Max’s heart is good, but Lucy deserves the win.”

      Michael shook his head, wings bristling. “Max has worked twice as hard. He might not have Lucy’s natural talent, but his devotion should be rewarded.”

      God sighed. “Then perhaps both should win,” He suggested gently.

      Gabriel and Michael looked horrified.

      “There can only be one winner,” Gabriel insisted. “Lucy!”

      “Max!” countered Michael.

      The disagreement escalated, and soon the pearly gates rang with the clash of heaven’s most loyal warriors. Thunder crackled, stars tilted in their orbits, and halos slipped crookedly from heads. An entire chorus of angels divided into factions: Team Lucy versus Team Max.

      As the battle waged on, God watched from His throne, bemused, until He decided enough was enough.

      He raised one hand, and instantly the clouds of battle cleared, silence swept across the heavens, and every angel dropped their weapon, ashamed.

      “Whoever wins,” God said, “will do so by their own merit. Do not wage war over spelling bees.”

      And so, peace returned to Heaven, and on Earth, Lucy and Max faced off at the spelling bee.

      In the end, neither won. They both missed a letter and went home with heads high but humbled. And in Heaven, a truce was called—but Gabriel and Michael couldn’t help but exchange a final glance.

      “Next time,” Michael whispered, “I’m praying to win.”

      Edit: If you downvote this, tell me why.

    • serenissi@lemmy.world
      12·
      23 days ago

      It’s not a god per se, rather the animal companion of Ganesh (Elephant god/ god of people, kinda like god Fufluns of Populonia). The mouse is like a ride of the god.

  • taiyang@lemmy.world
    11·
    24 days ago

    This just made me think about Shin Megami Tensei. I think Messiah (the closest equivalent to Jesus) would probably win 1 on 1, but the whole Hindu pantheon would probably wear him down eventuality.

    Edit for non-smt fans: SMT is Pokemon for religious and folk mythology. Lol

  • Nuke_the_whales@lemmy.world
    8·
    24 days ago

    Interesting tidbit, the National spelling bee was created by Doug Cornette. The Father of loud mouth, racket waving, heel wrestling manager Jim Cornette

    Which explains why he was such a word Smith and could talk a mile a minute while insulting the crowd

  • BaroqueInMind@lemmy.one
    7·
    24 days ago

    There’s no fucking way a human zombie pacifist Jew would be able to take on a 2-ton humanoid elephant god with six arms and wields weapons 1 v 1.