further updates as events warrant #JoeBidenDeathWatch
EDIT: oh my god, I just realized a huge bonus combo effect! all the merchandise referring to Trump as the 47th president becomes wrong because the 47th will have been Harris
He has to hold on until at least January 1st. I’m putting all of my energy into a year of 4 presidents
Why not five?
Biden, Harris, Trump dies of a massive heart attack, Vance dies the very next day in highly mysterious circumstances, and our new president is Speaker of the House Mike Johnson who says god made him president. Smirk.
the “you mustn’t be afraid to dream bigger darling” meme from Inception but the bigger gun is labeled YEAR OF FIVE PRESIDENTS
MSNBC viewers start using the term “matryoshka syndrome” because that’s the term those talking heads use.
I hate how vividly I can imagine that
Joy: “O-M-G, right? Five presidents this year? My niece likes to say ‘The Matryoshka syndrome is whack.’ You’re right K-Girl! Right! Right!”
Nicole: “I shouldn’t admit this but the stars say it’s going to be seven this year. I’ve been studying astrology.”
Rachel: “And what the heck did Speaker Johnson mean exactly when he said ‘God made him president.’?”
Lawrence with obvious annoyance: “Ladies, please - can we stick to known facts, avoid rank speculation, and in this serious time of crisis can we skip the trendy vernacular?”
Surprise celeb guest: “I think we know what Speaker Johnson meant. I have been Born Again so I know. We are in the End Times.” And he stops talking. The rest of the panel is taken aback. They seem frozen although they are blinking a lot. Is he joking? Fancy Pants can’t be serious - can he? Dead air goes into seconds. The control room is yelling at the anchors via their ear pieces. But seconds of silence continue.
Lawrence finally says: “Please explain.” He looks scary.
Surprise celeb guest: “We must obey and follow our Messiah - President Donald J. Trump”
Lawrence: “Excuse me?”
Surprise celeb guest with the certain arrogance of a recent convert: “President Donald J. Trump is our Messiah. When the Fire and Brimstone start to—”
Lawrence roars: “Blasphemy!” He’s breathing heavily. He quickly stands up, with obviousness he pulls out his ear piece, he walks over to the surprise celeb guest, and he smacks him hard in the face. Rachel and Joy both raise a hand so it covers their mouth in shock.
Nicole: “Oh, my goodness gracious!”
A few seconds later the feed goes to a graphic that reads “Technical Difficulties”.
Kind Vladimir Ilyich would have shot everyone there.
Our fallen world is not righteous enough for such a blessed outcome.
how could I forget The Year of Four Presidents [slaps forehead]
a three-week presidency would be more humiliating so let’s pretend that’s what the title says now
EDIT: I have rewritten the title in the way that makes me look better without making you look any worse [high five]
