if the adults involved in such a relationship are all informed and consenting, no harm is done to anyone. No one has the right to interfere or comment on those people way of life.
If, eventually, there is the decision to have children, the chance of them growing in a dysfunctional home is as high as any other.
The family may be unconventional but it does not imply nor it is a given it is unable to properly care for children and pass down values of good individual and social behaviour.
I do not agree that people in such kind of relationship are any worse for each other than in normal case. At least if they entered it knowing that it’s something that works for them. So i won’t dispute this.
About children tho…isn’t it actually proven that children need designated father and mother figure? I know of few people who didn’t have father figure and they are all kinda damaged. Though probably such family could simply designate two main guardians and treat rest as close aunts and uncles…so dunno, maybe a moot point.
Are all orphans or children of single parents unbalanced? I can’t put much credit to that claim. The same with children of same sex couples.
Uncommon life and family arrangements have existed since humans are humans. That is why all societies have edicts on what “normal” relations are and why deviations from the norm have been so persecuted throughout history.
Yet…
China has an ethnic group where one woman has several husbands. The children stay with the mother, while the men have the role of providing for the household. Suffice to say it is hard to know which man conceived which child, so they are colectively considered fathers to all children.
In Africa and the Arabian peninsula it is common fare for one man to have several wives and where there is that tradition all women are addressed as mother by all children.
Again in Africa, there is a tribe where children are raised, from very young age, by their uncles and aunts, away from the parents.
The first time I read about it, what came to mind was two brothers or sisters exchanging children, like a sort of perverse hostage situation: “you raise mine, I raise yours, nobody kills the other!”
Yes, I have a strange mind.
Divorced couples. Remade families. Same sex couples. Adoptive parents and foster families. Non standard families, whatever that may mean. And then we have the “really” out there arrangements, like poliamory. How about nudists? Or hippies?
So what?
Growing up, there was this family in my street that was composed of two couples, where each woman had given birth to a child of each man. The four lived as a small community, where all children address both men as father and all women as mother.
None of them grew up “fucked up”. Or did, only just as much as anyone else.
I admit I lack the ground to stand on here, so I’ll back off. Most of my experience is more of me and people I know - I know I had sbortcomings and mental problems due to parents divorce, again know few people who were raised withoit father. That’s mostly what influences my view.
However examples you raised are hella interesting, but I also cannot help but wonder how these children grow up compared to 2+1/2+2 family. There are for sure differences - after all even higher amount of children bears high influence - but I wonder what these are. Will look for it later. Thanks for dropping these.
You’re welcome. Always glad to help someone broaden their horizons and ideas. Keep reading and keep thinking and exchanging ideas with others. It’s the best way to evolve as an individual.
Two consenting adults is fine regardless of gender, the problem with polygamy is that when you have more than 2 people in a romantic relationship, its not gonna be equal.
Like a 3 way relationship is gonna end up with 2 of the 3 being more closer than the other, that just causes jealousy and that tends to end violently.
Polygamy often takes the form of a person participating in several separate marriages. Like imagine children of different families sharing Parent A with other families, but with their own Parent B. But Parent A is gonna have a favorite of one of the Parent B. So the other Parent B are gonna get jealous. Its a unstable relationship.
I think there is a lot of historical evidence that dismisses your claims. Polyamory, and/or communal parenting, has existed in many forms amongst many different indigenous peoples, and it is still practiced today. There was a time in our past where children being raised by many different parents was the ‘norm’, and an argument could be made that it is a more natural form of child rearing than our ‘norm’ of monogamous parent couples.
There is no evidence of people that practice communal or group parenting having issues with violence or jealousy, that is just your assumption. There is evidence that these kind of situations could be advantageous. The child has more people to pay attention to them and can feel a better sense of community. They are also being socialized better and are being shown a wider variety of perspectives, etc.
I would definitely suggest you look into it for yourself, if you are curious why your assumption is wrong.
I disagree that it always is or will inherently become that way. Even two individuals in a relationship often do not function well when a third (a child) is introduced. leading to jealousy, abuse, neglect, etc. When forced to remain in said relationship.
As someone with experience in poly relationships, (gently) you know not of what you speak. I’m merely a data point, but there is proof behind it vs ‘seems’ and assumptions.
Polygamy seems like a way to have dysfuntional families and kids that suffer from ptsd
Why?
Let’s break the matter in two parts:
if the adults involved in such a relationship are all informed and consenting, no harm is done to anyone. No one has the right to interfere or comment on those people way of life.
If, eventually, there is the decision to have children, the chance of them growing in a dysfunctional home is as high as any other.
The family may be unconventional but it does not imply nor it is a given it is unable to properly care for children and pass down values of good individual and social behaviour.
I do not agree that people in such kind of relationship are any worse for each other than in normal case. At least if they entered it knowing that it’s something that works for them. So i won’t dispute this.
About children tho…isn’t it actually proven that children need designated father and mother figure? I know of few people who didn’t have father figure and they are all kinda damaged. Though probably such family could simply designate two main guardians and treat rest as close aunts and uncles…so dunno, maybe a moot point.
Are all orphans or children of single parents unbalanced? I can’t put much credit to that claim. The same with children of same sex couples.
Uncommon life and family arrangements have existed since humans are humans. That is why all societies have edicts on what “normal” relations are and why deviations from the norm have been so persecuted throughout history.
Yet…
China has an ethnic group where one woman has several husbands. The children stay with the mother, while the men have the role of providing for the household. Suffice to say it is hard to know which man conceived which child, so they are colectively considered fathers to all children.
In Africa and the Arabian peninsula it is common fare for one man to have several wives and where there is that tradition all women are addressed as mother by all children.
Again in Africa, there is a tribe where children are raised, from very young age, by their uncles and aunts, away from the parents.
The first time I read about it, what came to mind was two brothers or sisters exchanging children, like a sort of perverse hostage situation: “you raise mine, I raise yours, nobody kills the other!”
Yes, I have a strange mind.
Divorced couples. Remade families. Same sex couples. Adoptive parents and foster families. Non standard families, whatever that may mean. And then we have the “really” out there arrangements, like poliamory. How about nudists? Or hippies?
So what?
Growing up, there was this family in my street that was composed of two couples, where each woman had given birth to a child of each man. The four lived as a small community, where all children address both men as father and all women as mother.
None of them grew up “fucked up”. Or did, only just as much as anyone else.
I admit I lack the ground to stand on here, so I’ll back off. Most of my experience is more of me and people I know - I know I had sbortcomings and mental problems due to parents divorce, again know few people who were raised withoit father. That’s mostly what influences my view.
However examples you raised are hella interesting, but I also cannot help but wonder how these children grow up compared to 2+1/2+2 family. There are for sure differences - after all even higher amount of children bears high influence - but I wonder what these are. Will look for it later. Thanks for dropping these.
You’re welcome. Always glad to help someone broaden their horizons and ideas. Keep reading and keep thinking and exchanging ideas with others. It’s the best way to evolve as an individual.
No.
polygamy and polyamoury are not the same thing. You’re welcome. I often do that with actors, thinking two different people are the same person.
So what’s your thoughts about gay couples with children?
Two consenting adults is fine regardless of gender, the problem with polygamy is that when you have more than 2 people in a romantic relationship, its not gonna be equal.
Like a 3 way relationship is gonna end up with 2 of the 3 being more closer than the other, that just causes jealousy and that tends to end violently.
Polygamy often takes the form of a person participating in several separate marriages. Like imagine children of different families sharing Parent A with other families, but with their own Parent B. But Parent A is gonna have a favorite of one of the Parent B. So the other Parent B are gonna get jealous. Its a unstable relationship.
This opinion is based on your extensive personal experience with polyamorous relationships I take it?
I think there is a lot of historical evidence that dismisses your claims. Polyamory, and/or communal parenting, has existed in many forms amongst many different indigenous peoples, and it is still practiced today. There was a time in our past where children being raised by many different parents was the ‘norm’, and an argument could be made that it is a more natural form of child rearing than our ‘norm’ of monogamous parent couples.
There is no evidence of people that practice communal or group parenting having issues with violence or jealousy, that is just your assumption. There is evidence that these kind of situations could be advantageous. The child has more people to pay attention to them and can feel a better sense of community. They are also being socialized better and are being shown a wider variety of perspectives, etc.
I would definitely suggest you look into it for yourself, if you are curious why your assumption is wrong.
You shouldn’t talk about things you clearly don’t understand.
or even know the right words for
What are you basing this on?
I disagree that it always is or will inherently become that way. Even two individuals in a relationship often do not function well when a third (a child) is introduced. leading to jealousy, abuse, neglect, etc. When forced to remain in said relationship.
As someone with experience in poly relationships, (gently) you know not of what you speak. I’m merely a data point, but there is proof behind it vs ‘seems’ and assumptions.
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