I feel like chapter 5 (Male Sexual Beings) did not ring as true as some of the others. There were some parts that I thought were spot on but overall I found it kind of sex and pornography negative. I feel like this might be because when the book was written (2004) there was as much kink, queer, women centric and feminist pornography as there are now. I think there have been lots of progress in this area over the last 20 years but this isn’t mainstream, especially for most cis, white straight men. The kink and / or queer sexuality (they are so blurred now) is a lot more egalitarian and feminist and includes an acceptance of domination in sexuality. bell hooks doesn’t talk about how this can be done safely and healthily but consenting adults for a short period during a pre-negotiated scene. The need to dominate and be dominated can be done safely sexually if people agree to it. The desires aren’t bad or evil but can be used to do actions that are.

I do find her last passage enlightening:

Sex was, and is, presented as the road to real intimacy, complete closeness, as the arena in which it is okay to openly love, to be tender and vulnerable and yet remain safe, to not feel so deeply alone. Sex is the one place sensuality seems to be permissible, where we can be gentle with our own bodies and allow ourselves our overflowing passion.

This is true and I think is important to note about male sexuality. The current emphasis is not on pleasure, gentleness or closeness but rather on act of getting sex. Gentleness and sensuality is not acceptable for male sex and I think male desires are limited in the patriarchy. There are sets of bodies that we are suppose to find attractive and sex acts that are acceptable for Men.

I wish there was more talk about how male sexuality is so phallic-centric with PIV for procreation as the only “real” sex. The emphasis on ejaculation as the best and only part that is enjoyable is very prominent and hides the fact that sex can be so much more and longer than just that 1 second. The rest of the male body is ignored even though it can be a source of pleasure the same as a woman’s body. It has taken me years to be gentle with the rest of myself and to understand what I actually like

The dive into sexuality as well was illuminating, from the depictions of lust out of a desire for love and the almost “taboo” nature of discussing love helps me contextualize my own desires. I’m curious to see if Hooks dives further into incels as well. The depictions of sexual assault were deeply uncomfortable, as well.