Your way of doing things is now how things must be done. Extra points for petty and minor stuff.
Everyone drives a car with one fucking seat.
All you authors, columnists, and other motherfuckers not using the Oxford comma are now in big trouble.
This could’ve been a delightful meta joke, and I was disappointed to see that it wasn’t.
there is no more light mode for anything at all
GOOD FUCKING BYE, JAVASCRIPT AND HTML!!!
Shine on, Gemini!
Turn on your turn indicator, take a few seconds to check that the lane is clear, then proceed
Turn it off and on again before asking someone for help
Look up the word in the dictionary instead of just assuming you know what it means from context and usage
Dictionaries don’t say what’s right; they just say what’s popular.
Example: say “process” out loud. Now say “protest”. If the first part doesn’t sound the same but each sounds normal, you’ve discovered something that is wrong but popular.
I’ll go for a serious answer.
When driving, particularly on freeways and highways, everyone must now leave a lot of space between them and the car ahead proportional to how fast they are going - even in heavy traffic. And they must allow a car that is signalling properly to merge into their lane. (But not like a bunch of cars at a time of course)
Everyone must also start to decelerate as soon as they see brake lights ahead or notice slowing, but they have more space (starting further back in the road), so won’t have to decelerate as strongly as the car ahead is and will reach a higher minimum speed or be stopped for less time when the car ahead starts accelerating again.
I believe this would mostly end stop-and-go traffic and smooth out all slow traffic (increasing fuel economy and reducing stress) by reducing/eliminating traffic waves. Probably even increase average speeds (but I’m less sure about that)
If you start a cult, I’d join.
100000% this. I legit think we should run ad campaigns to educate drivers. It’s less stressful, easier on your brakes and your gas tank. If enough ppl did it I legit think it would have a decent little impact for the environment. Going from 0 to 30 to 40 mph, then quickly going back down to 0 has got to burn so much gas than just coasting between 10 and 20 the whole time
Exactly.
I don’t have a license so I may not know wtf I’m talking about but I’m pretty sure where I live cars already have to keep a certain distance proportional to their speed. If they don’t and they crash into the car in front of them because the driver had to brake suddenly, the driver in the back is liable. We still get congestion and all that nonsense.
There’s a big difference between what driver have to do, and what they actually do.
Tabs are better than spaces
As long as a tab is just 4 spaces
- presses tab to add space between words
- changes field
i,don’t,think,that’ll,work
- We eating chips and popcorn with chopsticks now.
You’re welcome for cleaner fingers and everything you touch with them.
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Beer ain’t getting served without some sorta pickle.
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Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations
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More ducks than chickens. Duck eggs are better, duck meat is better, duck fat is better than schmaltz
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It’s now so wildly normal for men to wear crop tops
You’re fucking welcome
- You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
- You’re getting paid for your commute time now. Your employer is covering tolls, transit passes etc.
I wonder how fast they would start allowing work from home again.
Not that fast really. It’s pretty common in europe if you can ride a train and work en route. I’ve even seen people compensated for driving time & gas.
Pets will be told about foods, walks, and treats in a foreign language as to prevent them getting excited about things they love during normal conversations
And this was how TheAlbatross’s Labrador became fluent in Croatian.
Which one?
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I love garlic stuffed olives, but have to eat them with chopsticks to slow myself down.
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My dogs love Pupperonis (one letter away from pepperoni), but I call them puppereenies so they don’t go ape shit when discussing toppings…
Edit: Swipe typing is getting worse every day, fixed auto assumptions…
And you’ve taught your dog to eat Pupperonis with chopsticks?
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You fool! I eat chips by pushing the bottom of the bag, then grabbing one with my mouth. No utensils required.
That seems messy and bad but you do you
Why would it be messy, the chips enter my mouth anyway, I’m just using the bag itself to hold them
Going to be pickle stonks. Get them while hot
And salads! It’s so much easier.
Oh You’re so right. I had a salad with sliced chicken breast for lunch today that I ate with chopsticks. Soo much easier
Everyone must now put off literally EVERYTHING until the very last minute.
Okay. I’ll implement this change on Friday at 4.30pm.
Were you not listening?
Implement it at 4:59.
The last minute to implement a change is on Thursday. No changes on Friday, for the same reason there are no changes on Saturday.
So it should be on Thursday at 4:59.
Good point. Better just deal with it next week.
This is the way!
Auto > Light/Dark mode
Smoking joints is now illegal. Everyone must use a battery-free vaporiser.
Car bad.
YYYY/MM/DD or riot. 24H time or public execution.
I use Arch btw
Pirate everything.
Pink lemonade is better than regular.
Ramen is made with the flavour packet first, then boiling the noodles in the already-made broth.
The confirm button on a controller goes on the right. Cancel is bottom. Nintendo layout supremacy, fuck you.
You will pet every dog you see without hesitation, even if they growl at you. The tax must be paid.
Trackpad > Mouse
Caffeine is now illegal. Force yourself to stay awake and make it everyone else’s problem for enforcing stupid work hours.
I vote for metric time
I can get behind most of these, but:
Trackpad > Mouse
I think you have a typo, surely you meant “trackball > mouse”. Obviouly trackpads are abomnations that have no place in polite company, so you couldn’t have meant them.
Caffeine is now illegal. Force yourself to stay awake and make it everyone else’s problem for enforcing stupid work hours.
You know not what you say, there are strict rules about not letting me interact with other humans before caffeine. That Geneva Convention has things to say about it.
TV series now have 25 episodes a season.
Five season minimum.
All TV series are released on physical disc after one year (the creator of the show can choose a smaller amount of time if they want, but never longer). After one year it MUST BE on disc.
Blu-ray Disc at a minimum. Can choose 4k if the creator of the show wants. Can do both.
Federal penalties if the show is cancelled early.
Next
All devices that require an always on connection, must have a patch to allow the device to work if the server is ever pulled offline.
Subscription based services must provide an actual benefit. Not a “well the company wants more money so they’re just going to create a subscription service”… looking at the companies that make heated steering wheels in cars subscription based.
TV series now have 25 episodes a season.
Fuck no. That’s how you get pointless fucking padding episodes halfway through the season where the plot and the characters just spin their wheels and nothing meaningful happens.
But, obviously what I mean by that is that your way is the right way.
Is !monkeyspaw@sopuli.xyz leaking?
No offense meant, but I’m actually confused by your response.
Are you saying that my way is the right way or my way is not the right way?
Just as an example, the TV series, Stargate SG one we had a fan favorite episode called window of opportunity. The creator of the TV series said in today’s society there’s zero chance we could ever have that episode and yet that is literally the fan favorite of the series. Window of opportunity was basically the Groundhog Day episode. Those are the Sorts of episodes that literally would not exist anymore. While you disagree and you think that we shouldn’t have those sorts of episodes and we shouldn’t “filler episodes “ I’m on the opposite side.
Although I may have misunderstood your response and maybe you meant that my way is the right way again like I said I’m a little confused.
Different people like different things and that’s a good thing!
I like short, tightly plotted series that have a story to tell, that tell the story, and then end. 6-8 episodes is about right. What really turned me off to longer series was a combination of 24 (there’s a fistful of episodes in the middle where Bauer’s wife or daughter - I forget which - gets kidnapped, escapes, has amnesia, gets kidnapped again, turns into a goose… I don’t remember all the pointless timewasting filler details, but none of it was relevant to the actual story) and Lost (it became increasingly obvious that they hadn’t actually written the whole story, didn’t know what the fuck was going on, same as the rest of us, and were just making shit up as they went along, and that shit wasn’t very good).
The last line of my comment was me remembering the premise of this thread :)
Thank you for the response.
You’re welcome!
I’m right-handed when using one handed tools and “left-handed” when using two handed tools like axes and shovels. The hand closer to the tool bit (the left hand in my case) is only there to provide support and slide around as the other hand controls the orientation and motion of the tool.
I declare my way is truly right-handed while these right-hand-in-front-of-the-left-handers are just ambidextrous pretenders
Your way is now the right way.
My way was always the right way!
But now it’s official.
Toilet paper only goes on horizontal rollers with the flap facing down in the front of the roll. No more feeling the back of the roll to find the loose end.
My cat wants to move in with you for some reason
I have had cats for years and never had this issue outside early kittenhood. Interesting.
I had an actual fight with my wife once about this. We’ve always had cats, and it’s scientifically proven that, in households with cats, the only right way to mount toilet paper is with the loose end down back.
I lost that fight because she played the “petty” card, but I at least got her to agree that - whichever way - we had to be consistent. Inconsistent mounting is worse than any other consideration.
If you flatten the roll before putting it on the roller the kink prevents kitter-spinnies. This lets you put it on the right way 😋
Duodecimal is provably superior, and the world now uses it instead of decimal. This means that the metric system is now base-12, and inches, feet, and yards are the common units.
Surprising to many people, very little else changes.
- Analog clocks stay the same
- There are still 12 months in the year
- Your eggs still come in dozens
- There are still 30 divisions of 12 degrees in a compass.
- There are still 12 face cards in a deck of cards
- Humans still have 12 pairs of ribs
- A bouquet of roses still has 12 flowers
- A box of doughnuts still comes with 12 doughnuts
- Colas still come in half-dozen packs, and boxes of cola still usually come in a dozen.
- Muffin trays still bake 12 muffins
- Packs of toilet tissue are still sold in some multiple of a dozen: ½-dozen, 1 dozen, or 2 dozen.
Meanwhile, everyone learns they can count to 12 on one hand, and to 144 using both hands.
Count to 31 on one hand, 1023 on both, just using the digits.
12 is easy: you have 3 phalanges on each of your 4 fingers, leaving your thumb as a placeholder to count to 12. How do you count to 31?
I’m aware of the abacus hand method, but sadly it wasn’t taught when I was a kid in school, when my brain was still elastic. I’d probably have enjoyed math more if they had. Is counting to 31 part of that method?
“I do not mean to pry, but you don’t by any chance happen to have six fingers on your right hand?”
“You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
And, for those who don’t know:
Although I find out more comfortable to count across and then down; at least the first 4 numbers are the same as base-10 finger counting.
The best part is that with 2 hands you can count to 156 (12 * 12 on the dozens hand and 12 on the ones hand)
Edit: I missed your bit at the end about 2 hands and spent like 10 minutes counting on my hands like a dork double checking my work.
It should be a gross, or 144. How did you get 156? I’m curious! Maybe there’s a counting method with which I’m unfamiliar.
US-centric? Half of these don’t apply here now
12 divides evenly by more integers than 10. Metric would be better in base 12.
Well, yeah. That’s where I live. Maybe it’s not common where you live, but I think in most countries in the world humans still have 12 pairs of ribs, 24 hours in a day, 360° on a compass, 12 face cards in a deck of cards, and so on. Do you have more than 12 signs on your zodiac (for whatever that superstition is worth).
I’ll grant that a bouquet of roses might mean other than “a dozen” in other countries, and you might not even have doughnuts or cola where you live. How many beers come in a carry-able pack, where you live? Not 6? Do you not have muffin tins in your country? Toilet paper - you buy it by individual rolls, maybe?
Well, you’ll just have you learn to adapt, because the world is dozenal, now. Everything comes in multiples of 12: a half-dozen, a dozen, a small gross, or a gross.
Are…Are you doing math with cards? Or zodiac signs? Or human ribs?
12 face cards in a deck of cards
?
A to 10 + JQK = 13
Face cards are cards with faces on them: J, Q, K: 3. Times 4 suits is 12. None of A-10 are face cards.
