UPDATE: The transphobe Ada has been defending says they misgender all trans women/NBs on Blahaj who are strangers - Blåhaj Lemmy
lemmy.blahaj.zone
Further information on the situation with the transphobia: Abigail has repeatedly misgendered me and defended her choice by saying she chooses to refer to all people of unknown gender as male. > Hey, Abigail here. I just want people to know the reason this person got banned is likely because of a deleted comment not included in that thread. OP called me ~~autistic ~~ mentally unwell for not liking politics. THAT kind of behavior is not acceptable on lemmy.blahaj.zone, so I reported the comment and let Ada handle it. Ada tried in good faith to reason with OP but it was clear they just wanted to fight. So yeah, they got banned. Ada’s a fantastic lady who’s been great at keeping the trolls at bay. > Edit: and the bit about me misgendering them is also wrong. Gender didn’t come into play until after I had left the conversation. English default on the internet is male for strangers. Source: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2319669 [https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2319669] WRT the statement that I accused them of autism for not liking politics, further info is available here: https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2319669 [https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2319669] https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2320815 [https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2320815] https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2321026 [https://lemmy.blahaj.zone/comment/2321026]
  • AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
    12·
    10 months ago

    I don’t hate philosophy tube etc to be clear

    Then you should probably edit that you’ve misgendered her in that same sentence. Fucking gross, and it hurts doubly when it’s coming from another trans woman.

    • Tastysnack [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      36·
      10 months ago

      Where?! Are you being serious? I genuinely don’t get where I’ve misgendered her?

      Oi! don’t fucking drop accusations like that without an example, I’m having a panic attack over this now.

      Do you mean using their as the posessive to mean HER videos?

      I’m sorry but I literally called her she in the same sentence and that should tell anyone I’m referring to what she owns or made and not her fucking gender.

      Im sorry but you’ve absolutely read that the worst most bad faith way to the point it feels intentional.

      You’ve even fucking spoken to me on here in comments and can view my past comments so i don’t get why you’ve chosen to jump on me for what is (according to two other commenters) bad grammar and paint me as someone who would misgender their own community.

      Reaching dickhead.

      Fucking gross, and it hurts doubly when it’s coming from another trans women, how can you do that to one of us?

      Politely what’s your fucking problem?

      • AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        25·
        10 months ago

        Where?! Are you being serious?

        I was, i either overlooked the “etc.” or somehow didn’t infer from it that you meant a plural “they”. I’m super fucking sorry for this. It was an honest mistake, and if you re-read that sentence in question and leave out the “etc.”, you can probably imagine how i came to these conclusions and how it felt to believe that a trans comrade did that kind of thing to another trans person.

        Once more, i’m really really sorry for misreading you, and for causing that amount of distress. It’s always a particularly awful kind of pain when people from within the community jump at you with such accusations when they’re in the wrong, i know what that’s like, and i should’ve taken a second and reread your sentence before posting to avoid putting you through that kind of shit. That was negligent and careless of me and i should’ve given you more of a benefit of the doubt and double-checked what you wrote. Do you want me to edit that comment or should i leave it up? I really want to make this right and if you want me to remove or edit the comment, it’s the least i can do.

        • Tastysnack [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
          27·
          10 months ago

          So for context this triggered my BPD giga hard and I’m still seething about it because being misrepresented as something I’m not specificially hits harder than other triggers and turns me into an endless firecracker of vitriol and defense mechanisms. As you well know being misrepresented by the media, the cis and trans libs cuts like a rusty blade and makes you feel alone when it comes from your own community.

          So with that the above for context please understand my following reply with my current meltdown and emotional state considered:

          Get fucked, try again another time.

          • AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
            30·
            10 months ago

            You’re absolutely right, i’ll fuck off and leave you alone. If there’s anything you want to tell, you can DM me or message me openly at any point, but i get this isn’t a time where i can do anything to mend the harm i’ve caused and i’m out of here.

        • TC_209 [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
          25·
          10 months ago

          Both you and Tastysnack clearly have the best interest of yourselves and fellow trans comrades at heart. Sometimes passions can run hot, and we are reminded of the importance of solidarity. <3

    • kristina [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
      32·
      10 months ago

      generally dont consider using they/them to be misgendering tbh, i default to it in trans spaces when i dont know someones gender. but its clearly being used in the plural here

      • AcidSmiley [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
        22·
        10 months ago

        generally dont consider using they/them to be misgendering tbh

        I’m making exceptions for when pronouns are unknown, or when you’re talking about people in general, and ofc for plural they like in this case that i’ve completely gotten wrong, but once we’re adressing known individuals who’ve stated their pronouns, i’m under the very firm assumption that if these people would be fine with they / them, they would state it as a secondary set of pronouns. When people do not do that, i will never use a singular they / them on them just as i wouldn’t he / him or she / her them if these aren’t their pronouns. I know there’s a bunch of folks both cis and trans who see this different than me and don’t mind it, but there absolutely are trans people who find it highly offensive and hurtful, including myself, and also including PhilosophyTube, who will block anybody they / theming her. British terfs are extremly fond of using they / them to deniably misgender binary trans people, too, it’s defintily not without its problems.

        but its clearly being used in the plural here

        It absolutely is, i hope @Tastysnack@hexbear.net sees my apology in time and that it helps her at least a bit. She sounded so upset, it’s horrible i’ve wronged her like this.

    • GarbageShoot [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
      20·
      10 months ago

      The “etc.” makes it plural, so the “their” is not misgendering because it refers to the trans breadtuber clique and not one of them in particular.

    • TC_209 [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
      20·
      10 months ago

      Given the “etc”, I believe the use of “their” is meant as a plural pronoun, not a gender-neutral singular pronoun. Tastysnack’s last paragraph isn’t a case of misgendering but rather imperfect grammar, something we’ve all been guilty of.

        • TC_209 [he/him, comrade/them]@hexbear.netEnglish
          11·
          10 months ago

          I thought you were using “their” as plural possessive, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been in an English class, ha. What’s important is that I understand you’re respecting people’s pronouns, regardless of the holes in our knowledge of grammar. :)

          • Tastysnack [she/her]@hexbear.netEnglish
            16·
            10 months ago

            I thought that was grammatically correct especially since I used she like 3 or 4 words later specifically to refer to abigail and didn’t misgender her once or anyone ever.

            That said I can with a slowly clearing mind post meltdown see that it could be construed as catty. disingenuous or outright erasure especially since I was ranting about her content and that hers would of being a better choice to avoid any misunderstanding.

            In the end even having your he or she pronouns invalidated subtly by a lib using they can hurt when you know they are doing it out of spite and while I’d never do that, my choice of words can be construed as such maybe (if you squint and paint me as the opposite person to what my account behaviour would suggest) and I certainly won’t be making that mistake again.

            Besides I’m shit at English and grammar so maybe I should stick to simple words and grammar anyway 😅

            • GarbageShoot [he/him]@hexbear.netEnglish
              9·
              10 months ago

              You were correct. Etc makes it plural here, so you should use “their” rather than the singular “her”. If there was an issue, it was the following conjunct [items combined with an “and”] being in reference to “her,” seemingly dropping the etc. Shorter sentences do make things easier, but I can never tell someone to do that since every sentence I write is run-on.