I mean we were partying. Perhaps not party rocking per se. This goth chick and her mom lived in an apartment in my backyard. Her mom was a raging alcoholic, and had met another alcoholic from the trailer park down the street.
It was like 12 maybe 15 of us, and we were partying, drinking, dancing, getting naked. We had all just graduated high school. So, we’re like 18 - 19 years old.
Anyway the goth chick perks up and says to the trailer guy “Hey you wanna show them what you showed us the other night?” She said this while giggling maniacally. So, I should have known that something unpleasant was coming. But I never could have guessed.
We go back to the guy’s trailer. He takes out a solid metal ice cream scoop and starts wrapping it in plastic wrap. When he gets it to roughly the size of my forearm, he puts a condom on it, and we follow him to his bed room.
People start setting up chairs around the bed. I was content to just stand in the doorway. The whole time my friend is soooooo pleased with herself. She’s hanging on me telling me I won’t believe what I’m about to see.
He pulls out a bottle of poppers. He takes a sniff and goes to town. It’s like a train wreck. It’s so awful but I can’t look away. The room is silent. Then he starts doing a helicopter motion while letting loose with some fluid. I’m guessing urine because it was too much to be the other.
All of a sudden everyone makes a break for the door way that I’m standing in to escape his indiscriminate fire. There’s screaming and chairs falling over. My friend is now literally on the floor in tears laughing. I get out of the day at the last second to not be trampled.
There are other details I left out because, I don’t know how descriptive I can be, and I don’t want to break rules. If this does break rules please delete.
Well, a lot of it was because of that chick that lived in my backyard. We were best friends. We never dated. We never had sex or anything, but we slept in the same bed a lot of nights. We took showers together, and more importantly. We had this unspoken contest to see who could be the bigger agent of chaos.
One night she asked me to go with her on a date. It was at this guys house that she had never met in person. On the way there she makes a big deal that he only has one leg. Whatever ya know. I don’t care.
We get there and they go watch a movie and make out. I’m bored so I raid the liquor cabinet. After I get super drunk. I go to the garage and look around.
I found an electric chainsaw, an extension cord, and an economy sized bottle of laundry detergent. Now I was super drunk, but I still didn’t want laundry detergent all over my clothes. So I took all of them off, and set them far away from the detergent.
Then I hook up the chainsaw, and saw through the jug of detergent. The chainsaw slung liquid detergent all over me, and the garage. Now I’m standing in this man’s garage with no clothes on. I’m covered in laundry detergent, and waiving an electric chainsaw triumphantly in the air like leather face. That’s when they opened the door to see what the noise was.
Needless to say I had to wipe off and put my clothes back on because we had to leave, but she laughed the whole way home. She thought that was the greatest shit ever, and looking back I’m surprised he didn’t kill me.
She also was the best wing man or wing woman? We would go to bars and meet some chick. Then let’s call her Mary. Then Mary would tell the chick what a good guy I was, and how I’d been wronged by some bad woman, and all I needed was a loving woman to be there for me. It worked almost every time, and I just want to be clear. I never once asked Mary to do that for me.
She just thought that tricking chicks into dating me was hilarious. Mainly because I was a trash human back then.
Like, a sex toy?
I didn’t know how graphic I could be, but yes. It was really, ummmmmmmmm, something.
And he did this while party rocking?
I mean we were partying. Perhaps not party rocking per se. This goth chick and her mom lived in an apartment in my backyard. Her mom was a raging alcoholic, and had met another alcoholic from the trailer park down the street.
It was like 12 maybe 15 of us, and we were partying, drinking, dancing, getting naked. We had all just graduated high school. So, we’re like 18 - 19 years old.
Anyway the goth chick perks up and says to the trailer guy “Hey you wanna show them what you showed us the other night?” She said this while giggling maniacally. So, I should have known that something unpleasant was coming. But I never could have guessed.
We go back to the guy’s trailer. He takes out a solid metal ice cream scoop and starts wrapping it in plastic wrap. When he gets it to roughly the size of my forearm, he puts a condom on it, and we follow him to his bed room.
People start setting up chairs around the bed. I was content to just stand in the doorway. The whole time my friend is soooooo pleased with herself. She’s hanging on me telling me I won’t believe what I’m about to see.
He pulls out a bottle of poppers. He takes a sniff and goes to town. It’s like a train wreck. It’s so awful but I can’t look away. The room is silent. Then he starts doing a helicopter motion while letting loose with some fluid. I’m guessing urine because it was too much to be the other.
All of a sudden everyone makes a break for the door way that I’m standing in to escape his indiscriminate fire. There’s screaming and chairs falling over. My friend is now literally on the floor in tears laughing. I get out of the day at the last second to not be trampled.
There are other details I left out because, I don’t know how descriptive I can be, and I don’t want to break rules. If this does break rules please delete.
Oh no, you’re good. I’m…just kinda shocked. You had a very different post high school atmosphere than I did that’s for sure.
Well, a lot of it was because of that chick that lived in my backyard. We were best friends. We never dated. We never had sex or anything, but we slept in the same bed a lot of nights. We took showers together, and more importantly. We had this unspoken contest to see who could be the bigger agent of chaos.
One night she asked me to go with her on a date. It was at this guys house that she had never met in person. On the way there she makes a big deal that he only has one leg. Whatever ya know. I don’t care.
We get there and they go watch a movie and make out. I’m bored so I raid the liquor cabinet. After I get super drunk. I go to the garage and look around.
I found an electric chainsaw, an extension cord, and an economy sized bottle of laundry detergent. Now I was super drunk, but I still didn’t want laundry detergent all over my clothes. So I took all of them off, and set them far away from the detergent.
Then I hook up the chainsaw, and saw through the jug of detergent. The chainsaw slung liquid detergent all over me, and the garage. Now I’m standing in this man’s garage with no clothes on. I’m covered in laundry detergent, and waiving an electric chainsaw triumphantly in the air like leather face. That’s when they opened the door to see what the noise was.
Needless to say I had to wipe off and put my clothes back on because we had to leave, but she laughed the whole way home. She thought that was the greatest shit ever, and looking back I’m surprised he didn’t kill me.
She also was the best wing man or wing woman? We would go to bars and meet some chick. Then let’s call her Mary. Then Mary would tell the chick what a good guy I was, and how I’d been wronged by some bad woman, and all I needed was a loving woman to be there for me. It worked almost every time, and I just want to be clear. I never once asked Mary to do that for me.
She just thought that tricking chicks into dating me was hilarious. Mainly because I was a trash human back then.
Hmm
What a terrible day to have the gift of comprehension and sight.