Why don’t they have Wi-Fi in Church?
!They don’t want to compete with an invisible power that actually does something!<
The power of zing compels you
Except Panera’s not even in the same league when it comes to completely unnecessary deaths… religion/ church has millennia & millions up on Panera.
Edit: Panera also has far less sweaty-palmed, Father Feelgood kiddie-diddling accusations as well.
Panera’s doing their best! It’s hard to compete when the other guy has a head start that spans basically all of recorded history
Let them cook
I’ve heard Panera will be heavily marketing their lemonade in the Mediterranean region later this year. They are shopping the name around, but so far they are calling it:
The Lemonade Crusade: Charge!
You know what? That death lemonade isnt going to rape your kid so it is still better than church.
Ok but I’m still not going to church
I get a tasty lemonade, AND I get to die??? Sign me up!!
I haven’t tried it, but I heard it’s not actually that great. Though that one person who died had three of them, so what do I know
I kinda want to try it and if I live go on and on about how that makes me invincible
As long as each lemonade is tasty/3 or better, OP is still golden
Well, you get to die anyways, so that’s lemonade && 1 = lemonade
Hi there, just dropping in to say that caffeine is more dangerous than cannabis
flies away
Edit:
Anti-weed Puritans trying to find ways weed is actually harmful
Meth is more dangerous than caffeine
shoots away
How many people have died because of organized religion vs. Panera charged lemonade.
The entire world+ vs like, 3?
Hard to say since the former is still a running number
Yes
To be fair, the church had killed more people than literally anything.
Mosquitoes would probably beat them, but they’ve had a hefty head start. The church are aware of this, of course, which is why they double down on the paedophilia to catch up.
STOP PUPAEPHILIA
That too. Stop the unsolicited fisting!
I don’t blame people for not going to church. They don’t even give you wine anymore, just grape juice. Jesus drank wine, why can’t I?
I thought Jesus was wine or something like that? I’ve never participated in Christianity’s cannibalistic rituals though, so I’m sure I’m a bit confused.
the wine only becomes Jesus’ blood in your tummy unless you have an operation or autopsy then it turns back into wine just in the nick of time, apparently.
It’s only cannibalism if you believe you are the same as God.
Arise, God-drinkers.
For mormons it’s just water :(
Mormons had to mix mayonnaise into their ketchup when it first got introduced to Utah, because ketchup was too spicy. Mormons are bitches.
Lmao don’t bring fry sauce into this!
Jesus tasted the private jet life and doesn’t visit pastors without one anymore, so they need to save up for one, hence the budget cuts in your wine.
How about neither?
No no, let’s hear the lemonade out
Okay, but if Panera starts playing bad rock songs in praise of their lemonade, I’m leaving.
Its more likely than you think. Waffle house has a music label.
What if it’s a banger? Coke seems to keep doing it so it’s not outside the realm of possibility
GODDAMMIT YOU CANNOT JUST I-V-vi-IV YOUR WAY THROUGH LIFE!!!
1564 your way through life?
One-Five-Minor Six-Four
It’s the chord progression for everyone one of those shitty emo christian praise songs. It’s also the chord progression of Better Than Ezra’s “Good”; most pop songwriter hits; and probably your local bank’s tv commercial mood music
So I either have to die from needlessly over caffeinated soft drinks or deliver my own son to a molestation orgy club? What fucked up kind of choice is that?!
To be fair though, church is many times more deadly and 0% delicious 🤷
Oh they can be delicious alright…
Fuck knows what church has got to do with anything.
I must be out of the loop. What’s church?
Random caffeine overdoses are preferable to repeated genocide…
