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Joined 11 months ago
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Cake day: December 27th, 2023

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  • I’ve given up trying to sort out the formatting blip below. “he’s a very mad man” can be replaced with “she’s a very mad mam” if ya want.


    JADED rummages through the pockets of his huge coat, before finding his VAPE PEN AND JUICE, amongst the various bits of rubbish and lint, is a small, portion-control-sized pot of jam.

    SHERBOURNE: Why have you got a tiny pot of jam?

    JADED: Oh… it’s er, it’s for the bees.

    OFFALY: It’s for what?

    JADED: It’s for the bees.

    ARFUR: What bees?

    JADED: Well exactly, you barely see them at all now, and when you do, they’re always struggling, and sometimes all they need is a little bit of sugar and they’re off on their way

    Pause

    SHERBOURNE: singing, quietly and slowly at first He’s a very mad man

    OFFALY: He carries around a pot of jam

    ARFUR: He told me that it’s for the bees

    SHERBOURNE: But I saw him rub it on his knees!

    OFFALY/ARFUR/SHERBOURNE: starting to dance around JADED
    He’s a very mad man

    					He carries around a pot of jam
    
    					He told me that it’s for the bees 
    
    					But I saw him rub it on his knees
    
    					
    					*dancing with increased fervour*
    					He’s a very mad man		
    					He carries around a pot of jam
    					He told us that it’s for the bees 
    					But we saw him rub it on his knees
    

    OFFALY/ARFUR/SHERBOURNE: dancing with increased fervour still He’s a very mad man He carries around a pot of jam He told us that it’s for the bees But we saw him rub it on his knees

    OFFALY/ARFUR/SHERBOURNE: dancing with increased fervour still HE’S A VERY MAD MAN HE CARRIES AROUND A POT OF JAM HE TOLD US THAT IT’S FOR THE BEES BUT WE SAW HIM RUB IT ON HIS KNEES

    OFFALY/ARFUR/SHERBOURNE: dancing with increased fervour still HE’S A VERY MAD MAN HE CARRIES AROUND A POT OF JAM HE TOLD US THAT IT’S FOR THE BEES BUT WE SAW HIM RUB IT ON HIS KNEES

    JADED: I’M A VERY MAD MAN! (pulls his trousers down) I CARRY AROUND A POT OF JAM I TOLD ‘EM THAT IT’S FOR THE BEES (rubs jam on his knees) BUT I REALLY RUB IT ON ME KNEES!

    OFFALY/ARFUR/SHERBOURNE: muffled, licking the jam off JADED’s knees, alongside CHEESECAKE HE’S A VERY MAD MAN HE CARRIES AROUND A POT OF JAM HE TOLD US THAT IT’S FOR THE BEES (releasing their mouths from JADED’s knees) THE PALS: But he reaaaaaaally rubs it on his kneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!

    							Lights down.
    

  • ARFUR is picking their nose

    SHERBOURNE: aw, Jesus Arf

    ARFUR: what?

    SHERBOURNE: come on that’s disgusting

    ARFUR eats the bogey

    SHERBOURNE: ewwwwww!! JADED: arrrrrr!!! OFFALY: smiling Arf…

    ARFUR: I like picking my nose. I like picking my nose. It’s satisfying. And it’s tasty. And it helps you breathe. The only reason not to pick your nose is the fear of being judged. So, when you pick your nose… (really starting to enjoy themselves now), when one picks one’s nose, one gets the satisfaction of peeling a gnarly globule out of a fleshy cavity, a tasty little salty snack, clear airways, and, liberation from shame.

    OFFALY: Nose-shame in that.

    JADED: weyyyyyyy ARFUR: weyyyyyyy SHERBOURNE: weyyyyyyy

    ARFUR: Nose-shaming (pleased with this term) Is a white supremecist colonial construct.

    JADED: Designed to keep our airways blocked

    ARFUR: Stop us breathing!

    JADED: Keeping us anxious

    ARFUR: Dulling our sense of smell!

    OFFALY: So we can’t smell out the rat!

    SHERBOURNE: Ah now guys, leave the ratties out of it. to ARFUR Do you feel like this about scabs?

    ARFUR: …Alright I kinda feel the same about scabs.

    SHERBOURNE: Okay but scabs, there are good sound medical reasons not to pick your scabs, so…

    ARFUR: Well, speaking as a Trade Unionist

    SHERBOURNE: Former trade unionist

    JADED: Woah

    OFFALY: Yeah what was that?

    SHERBOURNE: Sorry sorry, dunno where that came from

    ARFUR: It’s calm. Speaking as a former trade unionist, I know that the best way to deal with scabs…

    JADED: Here we go

    ARFUR: Is to just picket.

    JADED: weyyyyyyy OFFALY: weyyyyyyy SHERBOURNE: weyyyyyyy




  • I’m gonna transcribe the exercise here:

    **The imaginary machine: Chicano recycle/reuse environmental initiative **

    Chicanos have always been de facto resourceful environmentalists, recycling old cars and using walls instead of canvass. We have taken this tradition of using huge junkyards into the performance realm. During long workshops, this exercise can help the group shift creative modes and engage in a sculptural installation. The exercise goes like this: spend a few hours visiting local junkyards, thrift shops, and friends’ backyards. Each person individually compiles bits and pieces of broken machines, cars, useless technological gadgets and old tools. We reconvene at the space and lay out all our findings on the floor. We spend a few hours creating a single (useless) elaborate machine which can operate as an “apocalyptic altar to the end of Western Civilisation” or a “third world robot”. Try lighting it in interesting ways. A few people may wish to insert themselves into the image."



  • Context makes a difference, for example as I understand it in the US people working in hospitality are not entitled to minimum wage because of the expectation that they will make up their wages with tips. In this context suggesting that you’re stealing labour by not tipping is completely fair.

    In the UK all legal workers are entitled to Minimum Wage, but because of the decades long housing crisis most hospitality workers are not making a living wage. Often people struggle to get the hours. If folk are getting enough hours to make a living wage, then they’re probably not regularly getting the bare minimum of two consecutive days off that we need to recover from work.

    In large corporate fast food restaurants like McDonalds and KFC, workers are banned from accepting tips. There are other contexts where maybe because the workers are considered low status tipping is not banned but it just doesn’t happen. Have you ever tried to tip in a Wetherspoons pub? It’s really hard, you put your hand in your pocket and dude’s already on the next customer; they’re just not expecting it.

    I didn’t grow up with a tipping culture. The kinds of places where people do that were not the kinds of places we went to. They were posh. I didn’t grow up going to cafes, restaurants, taking cabs. So when I moved to the city and started eating out, I didn’t really think about tipping, especially as I was struggling to make the bill anyway.

    Then I started working in a coin operated laundry. It was interesting because you had local working class people coming in and doing their own laundry, and rich tourists and gentrifiers coming in and asking for Service Washes. A lot of the local working class people were South Asian, and I noticed that these folks would tip me even if they’d done everything themselves, just as a kindness and a sign of solidarity “get yourself a drink” they’d say. Conversely, when the American tourists came in with a big bag of washing and an even bigger list of demands, I’d work hard for them expecting a big tip, and I’d get nothing. This happened again and again. A few times a working class person who normally did their own would be short on time and ask me for a service wash, and they would regularly tip me basically 100%.

    After this I started tipping way more. What I learned is that tipping is not a reward for good service, but a gesture of solidarity. It says “I know things are tough, I appreciate what you do, here is a token of that.” When you tip someone, you see them, and you share a little of what you have. I love to tip people when they’re in a bad mood, because it makes it abundantly clear that you are tipping someone to make their day better, not to reward them for good service, because the service probably wasn’t that good!

    My approach to tipping:

    -Always tip cash, if not possible ask the worker discreetly if their boss gives them the digital tips. -Tip indiscriminately and regardless of service -Tip more if the workplace is particularly known for treating workers badly (e.g. Wetherspoons) -Try and tip in places like Chicken Shops where people aren’t used to being tipped.

    • If you can’t tip, you can donate to unions.*

    *Hospitality workers often organise themselves in small radical grassroots industrial unions, where they have much more democratic control over their struggles compared to traditional trade unions.

    International examples: International Workers of the World (IWW), International Workers Association (AIT-IWA) UK examples: IWGB (can’t remember what it stands for), United Voices of the World (UVW).