I am going to talk about these two chapters separately because they are so different from each other. (Although as chapter 4 shows sex and violence go together). I think the real heart of this chapter comes from two different passage. The first is about self mutilation of their own emotions (Emphasis mine):

The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is not violence toward women. Instead patriarchy demands of all males that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves. If an individual is not successful in emotionally crippling himself, he can count on patriarchal men to enact rituals of power that will assault his self-esteem.

I find this passage rings very true from my own experience. I have never been violent in my adulthood but the killing of the emotional sense was definitely part of my life. I have found recently that I don’t think I know what emotions feel like and never really knew that emotions were felt in the self. I thought they were just something people applied to situations. Like this is suppose to be sad so I feel sad. I am not surprised about this because I spent a large part of my teenage years reading pulpy Tom Clancy / war novels. It makes sense with the constant bombardment of the glory of war in my teenage head.

The second part that is the rising of violence due to the failure of the patriarchy to fulfilling its end of the bargain which ends in rage and violence. (Emphasis mine):

Male violence in general has intensified not because feminist gains offer women greater freedom but rather because men who endorse patriarchy discovered along the way that the patriarchal promise of power and dominion is not easy to fulfill, and in those rare cases where it is fulfilled, men find themselves emotionally bereft. The patriarchal manhood that was supposed to satisfy does not. And by the time this awareness emerges, most patriarchal men are isolated and alienated; they cannot go back and reclaim a past happiness or joy, nor can they go forward. To go forward they would need to repudiate the patriarchal thinking that their identity has been based on. Rage is the easy way back to a realm of feeling. It can serve as the perfect cover, masking feelings of fear and failure.>

This passage feels more true every year especially this week with the emotional reactions towards the killing of United HealthCare CEO. The general sentiment is that the current system is failing and people are angry. From the incels who believe their own hyper-patriarchy so much so that they think they deserve sex. The everyday men who are working their corporate job and falling behind the goal to provide financial stability. We were promised success in the traditional channels if we killed our own emotions and support this system but that doesn’t work. We know that the only people who are benefitting are the top of the hierarchy (the billionaire class). Those of us who see it know the real enemy isn’t women but those who are benefiting from our rage against them.