Running for or holding an elected office. Yes, there are plenty of of scumbags in politics, but there are people who run for good reasons.
The fact that they have a record.
Look for a pattern, not a single instance. And yet companies and people hold bad decisions of the past against most folks.
Same goes for having no record, aka the famous gap in a resume. It’s not really about being perceived as a dick, but the same applies nonetheless.
If you ever get a question about a gap in your resume: “I signed an NDA”.
… just don’t tell them it was with yourself
That’s obviously part of the NDA
<PUT MOST ND TRAITS HERE>
Being vague and expecting everyone to know what you mean with a particular acronym. HFAYQT? 🤷♂️
ND means neurodivergent
Hope Falls All Year, Queef Team
Reminds of a post a few days ago, that described how people think you’re condescending and sit on a high horse, just because you use some fancy words here and there.
Meanwhile I’m just trying to describe something with as much detail as possible, because it’s important to convey exactly what I mean.
If you’re not being eloquent in your interlocution, then what are you even doing?
I find treading the line between people thinking I’m talking down to them vs them thinking I’m pretentiously trying to seem smarter than them exhausting. It’s a stupid game where I try really hard not to unintentiont piss people off and they get offended and resentful anyway because I dared to try to communicate with them but failed to perfectly thread the needle of how to speak to them on a level they are comfortable with.
I’m at a point where I just don’t care anymore. If someone can’t appreciate that my intention is to improve their understanding of the matter, then they can suck my nuts, and fuck off.
Sadly I find that the people who I most often come into conflict about this with are the ones who have unknowingly curated their social world to only people with very similar brains to themselves by being an intolerable jerk to those who don’t (I suspect their discomfort with someone being “smarter” than them stems from projecting their own feelings and behaviour towards those “dumber” than them) but due to external circumstances of life we are forced to try our best to get along. The fact that they make that unecesarily difficult doesn’t change that I still need to do my best to do so. Meanwhile, anyone I don’t need to get along with who acts that way tends to very quickly pick up on the message to suck my nuts and fuck off. For those who I must get along with I try very hard not to try to clarify things for them unless it seems either quite important that they have a better understanding or that it would be very easy and non-comtraversial to do so. I still usually try to give them plenty of time to figure it out themselves, then try to give them the least amount of prompting possible. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.
Meanwhile I’ll still happily ask for their help if there’s something that exceeds my capabilities but not theirs. It’s just a shame that intelligence (whatever that really means) is somehow seen as more important an indicator of someone’s worth than most other random traits like height, coordination etc.
As a profoundly clumsy person I’ve never felt I was being personally insulted by someone else being dexterous for example.
North Dakota? Non-dairy?
Neuro-Divergent
Not being a conversational person.
I don’t do small talk very well and I very quickly run put of things to say to someone I don’t know so I don’t like to just talk rubbish with someone, I prefer to remain quiet and get on with what I am doing.
I don’t mean that the person isn’t worth talking to or I don’t like them, if they need something from me or have a question then I’ll galdly answer or help them, but almost everyone takes it as a slight against them when i dont want to engage in idle chit chat and assume I’m an arsehole when I’m really not trying to be.
It took me way too long to realize when someone asks how my weekend was it’s because they want to talk about their weekend
You’d like Northern Europe.
I think we are the same person
My trick is earbuds. Even if I’m not listening to anything. Also helps to be living in a country where you’re not generally supposed to go talk to strangers
As an autistic person I love interacting with people like you.
listen, as someone who needs to be social but isnt, it is ok to let there be awkward silences. it is ok.
it isn’t your job to be entertaining. conversation is a 2 way road.
contribute, motherfucker
No. You’re not mandated to listen me ramble about free will, artificial intelligence or simulation theory and I’m not mandated to listen your thoughts about the weather or see pictures of your child.
Conversation is a two way road so when you notice that it’s only flowing to one direction then take the hint and move on.
People don’t need to talk to you if they don’t want to People are so selfish just let people be some of use are on the spectrum and don’t want to be forced into dumb conversations just because you can’t be quite for a few hours
Well for one, I wish I could tell people no when they ask me to social events without being interpreted as an asshole
I once had a coworker tell me he wasn’t going to a company event because he “was working on saying no to things.” I thought that was really cool. Not sure how well it would work though for, say, saying no to a friend’s invite 🤷♂️
“I’d love to, but unfortunately I am busy tonight.”
Still kinda rude. You have to at least imply you’ll try to swing by for a short time, as a bare minimum.
I don’t know anyone who doesn’t understand the concept of “I’m busy tonight.” Nor have I ever heard of someone thinking it’s rude to not always be available.
Honestly, in a situation like this, I don’t care. If I’m busy, I’m busy. And if politely telling them that is seen as rude, it’s not me who’s the problem.
But if you have no intention to then you’re just lying and now you’re actually being an asshole instead of just being thought to be one
Someone stating their opinion.
I’m not a bigot, but in my opinion the sliding scale between jam and marmalade is so fine that it’s not worth distinguishing between them, it should be a spectrum of preserves.
when you really like jam https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=otz5YfaO7Ys
Here is an alternative Piped link(s): https://piped.video/watch?v=otz5YfaO7Ys
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source, check me out at GitHub.
100% depends on the opinion
Absolutely.
“It’s just my opinion” isn’t a valid defence when you should have kept that opinion to yourself.
“Your baby is ugly” might even be true, but it’s not something you actually say to people.
“Your baby is ugly” might even be true, but it’s not something you actually say to people.
Hate to say it, but my brother’s child was an ugly newborn. She’s fine now, years later, but that face wasn’t pretty on day one. I lied. I’d do it again.
Shit. My youngest was so ugly I pull up pictures just to show off the level of ugliness that he had obtained. But after his first birthday he decided to take after his mother in the looks department instead.
Edit: but I definitely saw him through daddy goggles at the time and I’m glad no one said I had an ugly baby.
Whoa, cool your jets.
Worst is stating an opinion to a group of people that all disagree. It doesn’t matter whether you have good arguments or not, what matters most is whether they respect you.
Honestly? Questions like this one
I’m interested in the thought process of both upvoting and downvoting people to SmokeInFog’s comment 👀
“I’m just asking questions.” Could be a child, could be a moon-landing conspiracy person.
Eh, if it’s coming from an adult who should know better, I wouldn’t say it’s being misinterpreted as a sign of being an asshole.
E.g. Tucker Carlson is just asking questions so that he can supply his own answers to them, that he doesn’t want to suffer the obvious consequences for stating.
I think the big deciding factor is how they’re approaching the questions and what the questions are. Like, if someone is “just asking questions” where the questions just so happen to be a common bad faith talking point, yeah, I’m gonna assume they’re also acting in bad faith.
Eg, leading questions are a particularly common example here. The amount of lean towards their already-decided viewpoint can vary. They might word their question to be convinced away from their viewpoint as the default (“why isn’t the moon landing fake?”), or maybe they’ll provide a statement that obviously gives more weight to their side (“the government is so untrustworthy, so how can we trust the moon landing was real?”).
But often, they even do word the questions in a perfectly valid way, because they’re not trying to get an answer. They’re not gonna be convinced and they’re trying to get an answer. What they want to do is make someone else mistake being stumped for “this person might be right”. Eg, if someone asks you “is the moon landing real?” and you don’t actually know how to prove that it’s real, that can make you think that perhaps it wasn’t real. After all, you can’t explain how it is. But that’s a fallacy. You not being able to explain it has nothing to do with whether or not it’s real. Asking questions is cheap and easy. It takes no time investment compared to answering or understanding an answer. That makes it effective for planting seeds of doubt. And of course, people should think critically, but many folks aren’t going to or aren’t don’t have the time. So they’ll retain this low effort seed of doubt and that’s it.
Plus of course, searching for these questions, especially leading ones, can get you to fall into conspiracy theory or alt right echo chambers, which will have the leading question included in multiple times and technically is a better match from a pure SEO point of view. Search engines do try and train themselves against the common leading questions, but they often have to do that explicitly. This is actually an area where search engines like DuckDuckGo do worse at. You’re more likely to have a leading question in the top results because, again, it really is the most accurate match for that question. Should search engines direct you to the correct results or should they direct you to the results that are most accurate for what you searched for? Nobody really agrees and it’ll be criticized either way (personally, I think that correctness is far more important because otherwise the search engines propagates misinformation).
I usually find the best argument against “is the moon landing fake” or equivalent stuff to be the fact that the Soviet Union stated it was real, when they would have benefited a lot more from denying it and/or proving it to be fake. When your enemy supports your argument then it’s more probable that it’s true.
Could be someone who’s genuinely trying to understand someone’s viewpoint, but it reveals inconsistencies in the other person’s logic, so they get irritated.
Ever since getting into arguments with strangers online stopped being fun for me, I try to be extremely polite to people when I’m asking a probably confrontational question.
On the internet, a good amount of time people asking questions in comments sections are often just trying to show others how much they know about something in the most passive aggressively way possible, so it better to always be extra clear that you’re trying to engage on a healthy discussion.
Politeness online can go a very long way. Once you realise this, it honestly starts to become a bit cringe how many people are stomping around online being rude and just generally, IMO/IME, stressing everyone else out and bringing down the vibes of the place.
I’m autistic. This is the story of my life.
This comment doesn’t make sense are you asking for signs someones not an ass hole but is misinterpreted as one
Please take some of these, and put them at the appropriate places in your sentence:
, . ?This is lemmy not English class
If you can’t write proper english on Lemmy you can’t on English class either
“This is lemmy not english class” ☝️🤓
It wasn’t English class before you got here — but, unfortunately, it turned out you missed the other English classes! No big deal, though, we’re happy to pivot.
So, let’s talk about the subjunctive …
I do believe this comment right here adequately answers OP’s question
What is not a sign
Not a sign that someone is an asshole
But is often misinterpreted as one
What is something people see as assholish behaviour that really isn’t
Someone who’s assertive (not to be mistaken for someone who thinks they’re assertive and really is just an asshole).
Someone offering constructive criticism.
Especially those two put together.
deleted by creator
Someone who’s assertive (not to be mistaken for someone who thinks they’re assertive and really is just an asshole).
Someone offering constructive criticism.
Especially those two put together.
Being overly sarcastic, especially online (speaking from experience 👆)
I am often thought of as an asshole because I am not much of a smiler and much of my politeness is perfunctory. I am somewhat reclusive and a loner by nature. I find my time at work having to mask exhausting and overstimulating. That much said, once people get to know me they generally discover that I am passionate and care deeply for people who are suffering or experience discrimination and will fight for them.
Someone who’s assertive (not to be mistaken for someone who thinks they’re assertive and really is just an asshole).
Someone offering constructive criticism.
Especially those two put together.
The line between assertive and aggressive can be pretty thin.
