Well I do have around 200 pictures of my butthole, and if I was held for ransom where those pictures were emailed to either of my grandfathers then I would pay a tidy sum to prevent it. Grandma, mom, dad, step-niece, I don’t care. But if my grandfather might see my butthole, I would happily pay $40m to keep him from seeing my bare back butthole and balls. I don’t want you all to get the wrong idea, I love Gramps, but he has seen enough of my butthole, and I want to stay in his will.
You should consider putting pants on, then
But I don’t have pants on to put
I have, in fact, gained access to your sphincter vault. I will be emailing these pictures to both of your grandfather’s (and 2 excoworkers). Please send me 40 million dollars to scammy(dot)scam scam(at)notascam(dot)com.
Thank you.
The true power move is to send it before the hackers do. Beat them to the punch.
Hamilton moment.
Lemmy moment
Why do you hold on to them?
I wanted to do one of those old school photo montages where I took a picture everyday. It becomes a real chore trying to find time to expose your dump truck. Call it sunken cost fallacy, but my butthole has done a lot for me over the years.
…Why would you do a photo montage of that?
To send to my grandfathers.
Why?
I mean, why do we take pictures of our offspring? They’re keepsakes to remember how they’ve grown. When I play them the montage on their death beds they can finally say, “you sure have grown into a giant asshole.”
My best guess is hemorrhoid followup - what would you do, ask your neighbor to look and comment on your butt?
Oh dear. I guess that’s what’s necessary.
Only 200? Step up your game. Gramps didn’t sub $5.99 / month OF out of his retirement funds for nothing.
Sentimentality, images of long dead family members.
Monetarily, my Steam account.
I don’t think you own your steam games.
Not really, no. Though there are DRM-free games on Steam, so I can always recommend checking up on those and copying them to a backup drive, because why not
I, too, have more Steam games than dollar bills.
I also own more Bitcoin than dollar bills, considering I’m European.
Photos, legal docs, passwords and contacts book (in a lesser extent I guess, it should be fairly easy to rebuild for my family)
The uncensored anarchist cookbook
( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)
damn thats a blast from the past
My music collection, about 12TB of high bit rate music.
Jesus, how many songs is that? And who made them?
The majority are 100MB+ high res files, so it’s only 90,000 songs. Mixture of all genres.
Can i borrow it?
You wouldn’t download a car, would you!?
borrow a car.
My PayPal account. Though I believe my undergrad thesis project may be another option from another perspective.
Nice try, hackers.
My password manager vault
If the movie industry is anything to be believed my Plex Library is probably worth tens of millions.
Millennials complain aboot hoosing prices yet they own a morbillion dollars in movies. Smh my head.
Hah, the number on my bank account sometimes feels like it’s just pixels.
But most valuable to me would be old irc chatlogs with people who’ve passed. It’s been years since I’ve felt the need to pull them out and read them, but I’m happy to know they’re there.
Wouldn’t you like to know…
For real though, my password vault.
A bunch of irreplaceable demo tracks and singles from bands that broke up twenty years ago.
Get them up on archive.org?
There’s an idea. I already have cloud backups, and physical backups, but public backups really appeal to me, as does sharing these tracks with the world.
Legally, though, I don’t own the music; I just have it, own a license for it, I mean. With bands that don’t exist anymore, I don’t anticipate any issues; for singer-songwriter types, though… that’s thornier.
The data I have that I find the most valuable, apparently isn’t owned by me. It’s owned by Google, Microsoft, etc… Shouldn’t I be making money off my browsing habits? They are my browsing habits, after all.
The most valuable digital data I own isn’t a single thing but rather the unity of everything, because my magnum opus is I have the world record for the most websites having signed up for. Think of any website in the world and I’m probably there, almost always with one account. And you may recognize me on there if there’s a chance you see me talk about this on there too.
How do you know you hold the world record?
The wiki page says so, as long as it’s still there.
Lol wat
You didn’t think world records had their own wiki pages? That’s how I was able to grasp confirmation that I did it and that I have the world record for the number of websites having signed up for. Inevitably it’s also engraved in the iterations of the wayback machine.
I have notes detailing literally thousands of websites where I have usernames and passwords, some even on the deep web, some even on consoles, and so forth. Doesn’t matter the device, the browser, what is required to access the site, etc.
I rarely use the same names on more than one website, that’s not something I got into the habit of due to the different systems on every website. Half of them are random while the other half follow a naming theme, where I make a username based on the things Stingy says are his in the Mine Song in Lazytown (thismailbox is mine, and thistriagonalsign), which helps with memory (I also sometimes vary in my used nicknames depending on the site).
Knowing you have a world record is something that just sticks with you, it’s like having a kid (no I’m not a mom yet). I am grateful for my ability to keep the record.
Just fyi, if you have a password mnemonic, you should NEVER share that with anyone. If a malicious party learned of it, knowing the rules by which you formulate your password can help them generate a highly-targeted dictionary attack with average success runtimes orders of magnitude lower than an unassisted cracking attempt. Moreover, knowing the mnemonic basically lets an attacker extrapolate ALL of your passwords.
No, what I describe only applies to usernames, never passwords. For that, it helps to have several hiding places where you can hide different parts of a printed guide.
My TOTP codes
Pass vault and nudes of my ex’s
