So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn’t care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.
I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren’t for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn’t work.
I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend’s pee but then I learned that you’re actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn’t work either.
So basically I’m fucked and I don’t know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don’t know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?
Also, idk how relevant this is but I’m 5’9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.
I made an account just to help you with this. It is really easy to pass a urine test.
You need to drink a lot of water all at once. The goal is to get your body to bypass the adsorption of water and have your kidneys get rid of it. Your urine will look clear. Most people will tell you this will force a retest.
2nd step is to eat a lot of high protien food like a pound of so of brisket. The goal here is to get your urine foamy. This is something they look for when checking a for quality sample.
3rd get some b12 like less than half a 5 hour energy. The other main thing they loom for is color to clean or dark is also bad. They same with to bright which is what you get with an excess of b vitiams.
This will need to be done on the day of the test. Don’t start 2nd step till you get the first one done same with 3rd step and step 2. Just keep drinking water all day.
I found this on a doctor’s blog many years ago while trying to get around my own test. Also stop smoking till your test and if retested do the same routine.
Anyone really want to scare the testers and possibly get a lawsuit out of it drink a lot of pureed beets, it turns your urine red not just your poo!
I would make sure to eat a lot of protein the night before, as well as the day of. That’s what I used to do.
I’ve passed many of tests, but had to give up on all the dilution/substitution techniques a long time ago. The stress just wasn’t worth it, especially once I entered my career (and not just testing for a coffee shop position). Now I just piss clean when I need to
I don’t have advice (sorry), this is just a massive cultural difference between the US and Canada, and I never understood why it is a thing there. In Canada there’s basically only drug tests for like pilots or truckers, I’ve never been asked to do one for a job.
America likes to drug test for jobs that people should absolutely be smoking weed to cope with. Ive had to do it for basic computer repair and i think fucking Blockbuster made me do it too.
erowid.org has advice on passing drug tests
I second this (consulting Erowid), because my advice/direct experience is almost 20 years old.
back then (maybe today?) head shops would also sell “detox drinks” which was basically like a 20oz bottle of a colored drink.
the instructions would be to wait until maybe an hour or 30 mins before the test, down the entire bottle. then refill the bottle with water and drink that. within like 10 minutes you’ll have to pee. after that first pee, youll feel the need to go every 20 mins or so and all of those will be “clean”.
I used it to pass employment drug screens multiple times and would keep a bottle in my trunk just in case. pretty sure it was just an over the counter diuretic.
is the employer telling you it’ll be monitored? What’s the setup, is this a “Go to the office and piss in a cup for us” or is it a “go to an actual lab”. In either case synthetic piss should work (if it looks legit and passes the test strip they just toss the sample, no follow-ups) but absolutely under no circumstances should you work for a company where another employee watches you pee, that’s a massive red flag.
a company where another employee watches you pee
that’s how they do it in the US military, lmao.
absolutely under no circumstances should you work for a
company where another employee watches you peethe US militarystill true
A condition for being hired is someone has to watch you pee? That’s fucked
And it has to taste good
A buddy of mine has passed numerous tests using a method with fruit pectin, creatine and drinking a fuckton of water. Essentially it sends most of the cannabis metabolites to your stool instead of your urine. It’s worked for him every time, just requires some materials from the grocery store and starting the process the day before your test. Definitely your best bet if they’re gonna make you piss in front of someone which is absolutely ridiculous. Important to note, its not a complete cleanse, but if you’ve already abstained for a week or so then it should work well enough.
I’d if you have a little more than a month you might very well be ok with just flushing. I’d exercise and drink tons of water, then use test strips to check. Also, for a plan b get synthetic urine and a bag kit thing that you strap to your leg. This works but is a little scarier for obvious reasons, but they don’t actually stare at you while you pee.
EDIT: I misread. Get synthetic urine and a bag asap. I think “Synthetic Labs Quick Fix” is the one that does rush shipping. Only watch out is you need to make sure the temperature is correct when you go in. It comes with instructions for that.
i have used the Quick Fix many times.
- Microwave it before you leave the house
- Wrap it to the inside of your thigh with an ace bandage or something similar, with a heat pack on the outside of the bottle and your leg on the inside.
- When you put it in the test cup, the test cups i used have a temperature gauge. It might be too hot from the microwave but if you wait it will cool down and show up on the temperature gauge/strip that is on the cup. If you give them piss that is 110 degrees theyll know you cheated.
Everyone has great tips. I’m just here to say, I’m nearly twice your weight and was able to pass a drug test in a short timeframe, <30 days but more than 10, so I don’t think it’s over for you.
I bougt a bunch of cheap drug test and tested frequently, throught the day. I got a few of these drinks called Qcarbo32 that I think worked. It turns the pee a funny color so that’s really where the water and cranberry juice helps. Spend a day testing your pee with different combination of techniques to see if you can run clean.
On day of don’t give the first pee of the day and when you do give try to catch mid stream. You can practice this with at home test too, I found early day pee would test positive and later day pee would test negative same for mid or early stream.
So all in all, testing frequently at home helped the most. Good luck!
This is good advice! I did the same a few years ago, buy yourself some tests and start experimenting. Try to eat really healthy and exercise as well, I’m not actually sure if it helps but it feels like it helps.
In the US they can’t watch you go legally unless very specific circumstances exist. Get fake urine with the heat pack and wear boxer briefs+big pants to hide it in.
Option A(one I recommend as it has served me well throughout multiple drug tests over the years): Ask a friend who doesn’t smoke to piss in a water bottle for you, get a pair of gloves and one of those smaller contact lens solution bottles. Put on the gloves, rinse out the solution bottle and then pour some piss into it. Get a glove (optional) and a belt. Buy some hot-hands or other similar hand warmer from a gas station like 30 minutes before you have to take the test. Have the glove belted to your inner thigh so it isn’t obvious if they make you keep the door open. Handwarmer should get it warm enough (if you do like I used to and activate it in the gas station bathroom while you’re belting the piss to your thigh so it has time to warm up) that they’re not like “wow your piss is really cold”. The only downside of this method is, if you show up and there’s unexpectedly a line, you can potentially give yourself a nice burn from the hot-hands like I once did in high-school when I showed up to take the drug test for a local themepark and there were like 30 people in the room also waiting to piss in a cup while the one lab corp technician stood by the bathroom door.
Option B (I’ve only had this method work once and I am an extremely skinny pothead, so you’ll probably have better results but it isn’t my preferred method since the chances are slim for someone whose minimal fat cells are probably pure THC at this point): Exercise, drink cranberry juice, and make sure you’ve pissed like at least twice the day of. Then it’s just a matter of diluting your piss with heavy water intake. Vitamin B12 and whatnot as others have said helps.
You have any clean friends? Buy some of their piss, use a Turkey baster/snot sucker to fill up a water balloon, warm it in hot water in a ziploc in the car before you go into the lab, put it in your underwear (wear briefs or boxer briefs or some other type of tight underwear).
Make sure to bring a tac in one of your pockets. Once in the bathroom poke the balloon over the cup while peeing into the toilet. Smuggle the shreds of the balloon out the same way it came in.
I’ve done this twice successfully.
Been lurking again… But saw this and surprised it hasn’t been mentioned specifically. There’s a brand of of fruit pectin called Certo and my roommate has used it to pass a piss test because he smoked weed for an injury instead of taking opiates. I forget the minor details but I believe you ingest it an hour before the test and within 4 or 6 hours. Read up on it to confirm the small stuff and the side effects and you should piss with flying colors.
I have heard certo is mostly snake oil but it also can’t hurt. I wouldn’t put all my eggs into that basket anywaym
I’m not saying it does or doesn’t work, but my personal experience is it has worked in conjunction with other methods a few times over the years. Was it the certo? Maybe maybe not. Just adding a data point if it helps.
Can you claim ilness and postpone the test? That could buy more time to try and remove it from your system.
Like I’m sure you read, the issue with cannabis is that the compounds are stored in fat cells which results in slow removal from the body.
Given your urgency and importance my suggestion would be to the following:
1 - claim ilness to postpone the test 2 - go on a bodybuilder cut (high protein, low fats and carbs diet, on a caloric deficit) 3 - exercise everyday (go for long walks, running, gym, etc)
This in theory would reduce your fat content and would make it more likely to pass the test. Plus, with the caloric deficit and exercise you would probably look exhausted when taking the test, corroborating your ilness claim.
Take this with a grain of salt since it’s just theorycrafting.
Good luck and fuck cannabis testing laws!
Idk if someone already mentioned this but most dollar stores sell weed piss tests. Supposedly not as sensitive as most 12 panels, so if you’re going with some sort of detox strategy, take a couple tests beforehand and if you fail you know you gotta fake or delay somehow.
Metabolism varies a lot, I know heavy smokers who’ve pissed clean within a couple days using head shop detoxes. Detox drinks seem sus to me but idk.
If you don’t think you can pass and don’t want to fake, come up with a believable and verifiable emergency to buy yourself a couple days.
Another tactic to stall is to piss dilute by drinking an absurd amount of water. That is usually an automatic re-test but it takes like a week to come back from the lab so it buys time
I got sent back the next day one time, because my urine was too dilute. Funny enough, it didn’t matter to me because I was clean, but I like to stay hydrated I guess.
But just saying, it very much depends on the testing center
Yep, also beware that different companies have different standards. If you’re trying to enter a Federal govt position or you’re on Parole they might consider a “dilute” as a “fail” whereas the company I worked for considered it “null” and required a re-test.
If the test isn’t monitored, the safest bet if you’ve smoked weed in the last 30 days is to cheat with a water balloon of clean piss, as I mentioned above.
